The craze for all things glitter has been going strong for so long that it’s no surprise the sparkly stuff would replace clothes entirely.
Over at Coachella – the place to debut all upcoming festival trends – people are swapping tie-dye tops for bralettes made of stick-on gemstones, sparkling tape, and lots and lots of glitter.
To be clear, the glitter isn’t being used to make actual, proper bras. Instead it’s just stuck on the body to create the look of a bra.
It’s not at all supportive, and isn’t ideal for anyone with boobs big enough to cause back pain when unleashed from an underwire.
But the trend is slightly different from the glitter boobs you saw last year and the year before. Rather than just aimlessly sticking bits of plastic to your breasts, the idea is to create fake straps and a symmetrical design so that at first glance, it really does look like you’re wearing a top, with your nipples covered by larger gems.
The look has been spotted all over influencers’ Instagrams, which of course don’t feature the arduous process of getting a glitter bra stuck on.
Most influencers appear to have their glitter bra done by a professional, which explains the perfect symmetry of the designs and how someone could actually be bothered to stick that many gems on skin.
We wouldn’t recommend creating the look all by yourself. You’ll likely strain your neck trying to look down at your own chest, and the hours it’d take to entirely cover your top half could be better spent just buying yourself a sequinned top or, you know, actually enjoying the music at the festival you’re attending.
Instagram photos also don’t capture the longterm wear of glitter bras, which we imagine become quite a bit of faff after you pose for that perfect shot in the golden hour.
Think of the sweat, gradually unsticking key components of the only thing you’re wearing on top.
Think of the hassle of trying to replace each bit of glitter that comes off as you’re jostled in the crowds.
And lord, think of the tanlines.
We don’t want to sound like negative nancies, but we really think this is one of those trends that’s only suitable for the ‘gram, not an actual day spent enjoying a festival.
How can you enjoy a set from Lizzo when you’re worried the gem covering your right nipple will pop off while you dance to Juice?
Our recommendation: either get an actual physical bra and cover it with glitter (at least when the glitter wears off you’ll still be wearing a bra), or accept that all your hard work is for stunting on the ‘gram.
Pack a T-shirt in your fanny pack for the inevitable moment your glitter bra is just a scattering of sparkle on your ribcage.
Oh, and best of luck washing all that glitter off if you do go the whole hog with your own set of glitter lingerie. You’ll be sparkling for months.
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