There’s a longstanding tradition that one’s wedding night must be magical.
Rose petals on the bed, champagne on ice and sexy lingerie – there are special expectations, reinforced by storylines in romantic movies and books.
Although many brides and grooms look forward to their first night having sex as husband and wife, it can also be a very stressful situation.
You might both be too drunk or too full of wedding cake to even want to get freaky.
If society dictates that the experience has to be on the ‘best sex ever’ list, it can cause undue pressure.
We ask budding brides how they feel about their upcoming wedding night, and what they’ve got planned.
Here’s what they said.
Charlotte*, 32, getting married in 2021
I’m not nervous but I feel pressure.
You wanna be good and memorable, it’s almost like you want to be like ‘f*** yeah that’s my husband – the official and only guy I’m ever going to sleep with again for the rest of my life’.
It’s a confirmation that I’ve made the right choice – I’ve married the best dick I’ve ever met.
And you want them to look at you and love you and touch you in ways that say they’re going to love you forever, and at the same time that they only ever want to f*** you for the rest of their lives.
It’s like the ultimate moment where you both want to know that the sex is good and that you made the right choice, that the love is real and everything works like fireworks.
The wedding night restarts the ‘sex clock’.
Emmie, 26, getting married in a few weeks
Is it bad that I feel no pressure at all?
I’ve been having sex for 13 years and finally found the one I like – I know we won’t have sex!
I’ll be taking Jethro to bed, but only because he’s a huge lightweight. If anything I’ll be having sex the night before. I’m not even planning on wearing nice pants.
Married friends have told me similar stories – most of them didn’t have sex on their wedding night.
Personally, I find the traditional concept of ‘we must have great wedding sex’ to be pretty defunct anyway.
If we’re sticking to tradition, I’ve been living in sin for over a decade.
Hayley, 30, getting married next year
There is an element of pressure to have sex on your wedding night, or have an amazing wedding night, especially for women.
It’s an antiquated notion that stems from when the wedding night would be the first time couples would spend the night together, and for many western couples, this isn’t the case.
Wedding days are busy and stressful, so by the end of them, you’re most likely tired, full and longing for your bed.
However, is this the way you want to start your married life?
I think wedding night intimacy shouldn’t be expected, but the effort to make it happen should be.
You’ve celebrated a wonderful day marrying your now life partner, and sex should be a way of celebrating that. It’s also probably the first time you have spent the day together alone, so this is now your time. Don’t waste it by going to bed.
My fiancé and I have booked an Airbnb with an outdoor hot tub, massages and a pizza oven, and we will probably leave early to go and enjoy this space together.
Anni, 36, engaged but hasn’t set a date yet
I couldn’t care less when it comes to wedding sex.
My partner will probably get drunk and fall asleep.
The hype around wedding nights feels fake – this is 2019, not 1950.
We’ve been together for over 10 years and sex is important, but it’s not the biggest priority in our relationship.
It might sound a bit depressing, but we’re happy with it so who cares?
Jess, 29, getting married in March next year
I’m worried because sometimes Mark can’t get it up when he drinks too much.
Should it happen, that’s fine, because we’ve had loads of sex and we’ll have loads more sex in the future.
I haven’t really thought about societal pressure on wedding nights, but it doesn’t really bother me.
I feel comfortable enough about our sex life that if one night we don’t bone, then it doesn’t matter so much in the grand scheme of things.
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