Like millions of Americans, you might be feeling a bit anxious about the events of the past few weeks and the direction in which things seem to be headed.
So allow us to offer you a nugget of truth that’s sure to put your mind at ease:
No matter what happens with the election, Donald Trump and his entire family are gonna be just fine financially.
We know the thought of a destitute Donald might have been keeping you up nights, but even after four years of Trump hacking away at it with everything he had, this is still America.
And in America, billionaires never have to suffer any consequences of any kind.
We’re pretty sure it’s in the Constitution, or something.
Anyway, the likelihood of Trump conning his way into a second term in the White House seems to be shrinking by the day.
And for most people in massive debt who hadn’t paid taxes in several years, sudden unemployment would spell big trouble.
But from the moment he entered the world, affixed his wig, and declared the delivery room a total sh-thole, the Donald was never gonna have to worry about money.
For the sake of argument, let’s say Trump concedes and peacefully steps down sometime in the next two months, and President Biden’s first act after being sworn in won’t be ordering the forcible removal of his predecessor from the Oval Office.
What sort of job opportunities await a 74-year-old failed dictator with a weakness for Big Macs and a remarkable talent for self-promotion?
Well, as we’ve discussed before, there’s a very good chance that Trump will run for president again in 2024.
But if you think he’s about to hide out in his penthouse for the next four years and find a way to survive without constant media attention, then you don’t know Donnie.
Insiders say the months to come will likely see the launch of the Trump News Network, an online right-wing media outlet that Trump reportedly hopes will be a death knell for his former friends at Fox News.
It might not be easy to believe, but somewhere out there is an audience that’s absolutely ravenous for Eric Trump’s rambling, semi-coherent monologues about the day’s events and which minority group should shoulder the majority of the blame.
But even if that passion project never takes off, Trump and his kids still have several revenue streams available to them.
The one that’s likely to deliver the biggest dividends right off the bat is public speaking gigs.
According to a new report from TMZ, the Trumps are likely to fetch top dollar for paid appearances in the States — and they’ll probably command even greater fees overseas.
Industry experts who spoke with the outlet say Trump stands to earn up to $1 million per gig in the US.
His booking fee could balloon to as much as $2 million abroad.
As for Melania, given her popularity in Europe, she might earn up to $175k for foreign gigs (experts say that number will only increase if the first lady divorces Donnie and/or writes a tell-all book).
Not surprisingly, Ivanka stands to earn the most among Trump’s children, with experts estimating that she’ll pull in somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000 in the States and up to $125,000 overseas.
Don Jr., Eric, and Tiffany are estimated to pull in a comparatively measly $75,000 per gig.
Not too shabby, but you know it irks the hell out of Don Jr. that he’s only worth as much as Tiffany.
As for the locations of these engagements, experts say the Donald will likely begin in countries where he “has a lot of friends,” like Russia and Israel.
And yes, the insiders say Trump’s travel expenses will be covered, and his schedules will almost certainly include first-class golfing accomodations.
Vladimir knows how to keep his man happy.
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