DEAR DEIDRE: LOOKING after my ungrateful elderly mother since she fell and broke her hip is putting a huge strain on my marriage.
It is causing massive arguments between my wife and I.
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I am 61 and my wife is 59. My mother is 86 and we moved in with her after she fell.
We have been caring for her for almost three months. We are starting to feel the pressure.
My wife has been doing all the shopping, putting her to bed, cooking her meals and washing her while my brother and three sisters, who mostly live nearby, refuse to help.
My mother has been attending hospital appointments but her next follow-up is in six weeks’ time.
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She is ungrateful, selfish and won’t try to help herself.
She says she can manage perfectly well on her own, but I am worried that if we leave her she will fall again and we will be back to square one.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s not easy being a caregiver.
You are kind and caring but overstretched. Talk to your siblings and say you need support from them.
Explain the effect caring for your mum is having on you and your wife and ask them to take over at least some of the time so you can get a break.
If they resist, tell them you will have no option but to look at alternatives, including getting in carers, which will be expensive.
My support pack Help For Carers may help.
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