DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having an affair with another nurse but Covid-19 has changed everything.
We worked together on a surgical ward from early last year. It was intense but rewarding, with great camaraderie.
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I am a woman of 29 while he is 32 and married. We’d often have coffee and he’d tell me all about his problems with his wife. He said they wouldn’t be together if it weren’t for his daughter.
One day he was going off shift but walking me back to the ward when he grabbed me and kissed me.
He told me he’d had a crush on me for months and wanted to know if I felt anything for him. I said he was married and I’d never thought about him that way.
His wife kicked him out for a week the following month and he stayed at mine.
He ended up going back for his daughter’s sake but that’s when I began to fall for him. I saw him as vulnerable and I didn’t like how his wife called all the shots.
We got involved emotionally and the sex was wonderful. I feel awful for getting into a relationship with a married man but he kept saying he’d get a divorce and that his wife wanted it too.
He was sweet and kind. We’d take his daughter out together and he’d talk about me being her stepmum and us having kids together one day.
Coronavirus changed everything. He was transferred to the Covid ward and it took over his life.
I got the occasional message from him saying how tough it was and he wished things were different but there were many deaths. They were effectively quarantined so I couldn’t see him.
Now it’s calmed down a bit, I asked him where we’re at. He says he doesn’t know if he still wants a divorce or not. I don’t want to make him choose but I feel I deserve a straight answer.
I think I’m fighting a losing battle. He said yesterday he doesn’t know if he wants a relationship but that he loves me and wants me in his life.
I feel like I’ve been led on. I know I haven’t the right to be hurt but I am. How can he truly love us both and mean everything he has said?
Topic of the today
MORE than one million children live in a stepfamily, which means they will have experienced the break-up of their parents’ relationship and then the arrival of a new rival for the love of the parent they are still living with.
My leaflet on Stepfamily Problems explains how to help everyone get on happily.
Email [email protected] for a copy.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your lover might have been sincere at the start of your affair but he has been through a truly traumatic experience.
He is in no fit state mentally and emotionally to make a life-changing decision.
The crisis might have made him feel differently about tearing apart his family but only time will tell. Don’t put your life on hold, meanwhile.
It might feel more comfortable for him to have you as his friend but that will be a hurtful place for you.
Better tell him you wish him well but you are assuming your affair is at an end and you should break off contact to give yourself a chance to heal.
My e-leaflet Mend Your Broken Heart can help.
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