Dear Coleen – I’ve taken back cheating ex but my family will go ballistic

Dear Coleen

I hope you can help me get through to my parents. I’m a woman (just turned 30) and have recently got back with my ex who I dated for five years.

We broke up after he admitted sleeping with someone else and getting her pregnant, and they now have an eight-month-old son.

I tried to move on but, the truth is, I love him and I want us to be together. The affair he had was short-lived and he stopped sleeping with her once they discovered she was pregnant. He’s helping financially with the child and sees him, but that’s as far as their relationship goes.

Since this all happened, he’s been trying to win me back and has done everything in his power to show me he’s a changed man and that’s he’s sorry for putting me through it. We’ve been dating again, but taking it slowly.

I know my parents are going to go nuts when they find out because they had to help build me back up when he left me in pieces.

My friends can’t stand him either and I know they won’t understand why I want to take him back.


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Coleen says

It’s understandable that your parents and friends would question your ­decision because this man hurt you and they had to see you in pieces. I’m sure they still want to throttle him!

However, while you’re taking it slowly, which is very sensible, why not keep it to yourself and see how things go? If you decide you’re going to be together, then you have to face the music and tell the people close to you.

He’s got a lot to prove – it’s down to him, not you, to show that he’s serious and he’s sorry. Hopefully, in time, if your loved ones see you’re happy, they’ll come to accept it.

The bottom line is, it’s your life and you have to make your own decisions, whether they turn out to be right or wrong. But you have to accept that your family might never properly trust your partner and things will be awkward at first for him.

All you can say to your friends is that you know it’s a risk, but you’re willing to try again and will be going into it with your eyes open. True friends will do their best to support you without saying “I told you so!”

I’d also suggest couples counselling to work through what led to the affair.

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