DEIDRE SAYS: Anger is a completely healthy, human emotion, but it can get out of control and become destructive.
Anger comes into play when reacting to other people, immediate events or when worrying over our personal problems.
Whatever the trigger, it’s important to understand that it’s not people or events that make you angry but your reaction to them.
From an early age, we are taught anger is a negative emotion which we are discouraged from showing.
Those who are hot-tempered tend to come from a chaotic family background where people find it difficult to talk openly about feelings and where it’s thought normal to express anger through violence and aggression.
Angry outbursts and irritability can also mask depression. When we feel depressed we can feel angry that things are going so wrong for us, angry that we are in so much emotional pain, and angry too at the seeming hopelessness of our situation.
Especially to men, anger can feel a more acceptable way of expressing emotional pain than crying or asking directly for help. As a result, we do not learn positive ways of coping with it.
So what are the positive ways of coping with anger?
- Self-help techniques
When you feel yourself getting angry, don’t let it build up into an aggressive outburst.
Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and thinking about relaxing images can help calm down angry feelings.
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
- Dear Deidre on Sex
- Dear Deidre on Relationships
- Dear Deidre on Marriage
- Dear Deidre on Family
- Dear Deidre on Parenting
- Dear Deidre on Grief
- Try to express angry feelings in a positive way
If you are having or expecting a heated discussion, try expressing your anger in an assertive way, using calm, logical words.
In the moment, try to slow down and think carefully about what you want to say.
- Make lifestyle change
Life is stressful and it’s easy for pressure to build up.
We can’t control stressors in our lives, but we can find ways to reduce the pressure we put on ourselves.
Making lifestyle changes like eating a well-balanced diet, getting enough sleep and exercising regularly can prevent the build-up of tension and press pause on our everyday stressors.
More information is available in our Managing Anger support pack.
Whatever the situation, you’re not alone. The Dear Deidre team of experienced counsellors will be able to recommend the best next steps to help you learn how to respond better in anger.
For a support pack and personalised advice, email us at [email protected] or message us on Facebook.
Source: Read Full Article