DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been used for sex and am furious with myself for falling for my former lover’s charms.
When this guy I’ve known for a few years started messaging me on Facebook last year, I was pleased to chat. He’s 36 and I’m 34.
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After a few weeks, he started telling me about his problems with his wife.
I’ve been single for a while and have lived alone since I split with my ex-boyfriend. It was nice to have late-night chats with someone.
Naively, I thought he just wanted advice and a shoulder to cry on. But after a few months, his messages started to turn flirty and he made it very clear he was interested in more than friendship.
If he’d had a drink, things would become pretty fruity and sexual.
I resisted for ages but one night, when his wife was away visiting her mum, I stupidly gave in and said he could come round to my place.
He arrived at 2am. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and had the most incredible sex.
I made it pretty obvious that I was falling for him. He led me to believe he felt the same and was planning to leave his wife.
But the next day, he really cooled towards me and said his wife was suspicious, so he couldn’t chat any more.
Then he asked if he could come round again next time she went away. I agreed but the same pattern unfolded.
I felt so used and hurt, so when he asked a third time, I refused. Two weeks ago I blocked him on all social media so he can’t contact me.
Though I know I’ve done the right thing, I can’t get him out of my mind and I keep crying.
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It’s ridiculous. We weren’t even in a proper relationship but I miss him so much.
How can I get over him?
DEIDRE SAYS: He took advantage of your kindness and you deserve far better than him. Very soon you will realise it and wonder what you saw in him.
You have done absolutely the right thing in blocking him. Keep away and busy so he doesn’t tempt you back.
Unfortunately, there is no magic wand that can make you feel better. But you can learn from his calculating behaviour and avoid this unfair treatment again.
The pain will slowly get less intense as this episode moves into your past.
You can help yourself by talking with friends or, if you think it would be helpful, a professional counsellor.
My support pack on Counselling details how this works and where you can find counsellors. The pack on Mending A Broken Heart will also help.
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