I'm crazy about my girlfriend but I only last 40 seconds max when we have sex

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM crazy about my girlfriend and she seems into me too. But my performance in bed is worrying, as I can’t seem to last.

I thought it would be a good idea to try a threesome to help her have an orgasm but the experience has made me doubt myself even more.

I am 21, she is 19. We met in the local pub when the first lockdown ended last year and have been in a relationship ever since.

She didn’t want to rush into having sex and I was OK with that, though I fancied her like crazy.

I was so excited the first time that it was all over in a flash for me.

She said she was OK about it and we even had a bit of a laugh after. But things haven’t got any better.

I only last 40 seconds max when we have sex. She never has an orgasm through intercourse and I feel like I am letting her down.

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We’d talked about trying a threesome at some point and I thought my best mate would be a good person, as I could trust him. She was reluctant at first but then agreed to give it a try.

I was in for a shock, though, as I didn’t realise how big he is when he has an erection.

He makes my penis look inadequate. I could see my girl-friend was getting excited at giving him oral and when they had intercourse she seemed to go wild with pleasure.

She says she doesn’t want a repeat threesome. But I still can’t give her an orgasm and now I feel inadequate about my size.

I just want to show her a good time in bed.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You are so caught up in how you feel about yourself, you are not listening to how your girlfriend feels.

You imagine she had an amazing time with your best friend but she doesn’t want a repeat performance, which shows it wasn’t right for her.

Size isn’t what matters. Far more important is being a caring and sensitive lover who is concerned with your partner’s pleasure as much as your own.

When it comes to sex, there are few nerve endings inside the vagina, so pleasure for a woman is centred around the clitoris, rather than felt through intercourse.

Stop comparing yourself to your friend. She is choosing to be with you, not him.

Your sex life is unique and you both have a role to play in making it great. Read my e-leaflet How To Have Great Sex for tips.

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