My husband is using sex sites after my car accident wrecked our sex life — and I feel sick

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband is getting emails from sex sites called things like Slags & Sluts offering to fix him up.

I can’t bear the thought of him looking at that stuff.

He denies it completely and says it’s just spam but I don’t believe him for a minute.

I’m 47 and he’s 45. We have been married for 23 years and our kids have grown up and left home.

He is the love of my life and I thought I was his — but our sex life has suffered a lot recently because I damaged my back in a car accident.

My husband is kind but has become really distant towards me. I know he misses the sex but the pain got too much.

I was using our laptop recently and clicked on our shared email account but found it was logged on to a separate one of his.

There were emails from porn sites, websites for swingers and websites for meeting women just for sex.

I was so shocked I was left shaking. But I waited to see if more emails arrived — and they duly did. He has matches lined up with these women. They all seem to live in our town.

He just has to subscribe and they are ready to meet him for sex, though he doesn’t seem to have met any yet.

I shouted at him when he walked in the door at the end of the day. I showed him those emails but he said they’re junk and he wouldn’t do that to me.

I told him I’d clicked on one website and looked at the profile he’d posted on there but he kept lying and said it was just a mistake. I don’t know what to do.

I thought he still loved me despite how that accident has changed my life.

I feel like leaving, but how would I cope? I can’t work because of my health.

I feel like I have to do something about what I’ve discovered.

I can’t simply live with him knowing the things I know.


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DEIDRE SAYS: Finding those sites was a terrible shock but the way your husband reacted makes me think he still loves you and wants your respect.

He didn’t try to turn this around and put the blame on to you.

Instead he denied it, distanced himself from those sites and tried to show he wants you.

Can you meet him halfway? He hasn’t yet paid up to meet anyone. It’s been just a distraction for him, as he misses his sex life with you – and you do have to talk about this.

I know it is difficult when you are living with pain but try to keep your relationship loving and close. Can you try different positions for sex?

You can find understanding support through the charity Pain Concern (

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