‘I was a bit of a mess’: Amanda Abbington reveals she considered suicide after split from ex Martin Freeman left her ‘hating’ herself
Amanda Abbington has revealed that she considered suicide after her split from ex-husband Martin Freeman left her ‘hating herself’.
The actress, 49, was married to The Office star, 51, for 16 years until their split in 2016 and they share children Joe, 17, and Grace, 15, together.
And in a candid new interview on the Full Disclosure podcast, Amanda – who played Martin’s wife Mary Watson in BBC’s Sherlock – told how she was a ‘mess’ after the breakdown of their marriage.
Detailing how much the split had affected her, she told how suicide was a ‘genuine option for me’ during the dark period of her life, telling how she recently had a similar thought after a row with her daughter.
She explained: ‘It was breaking up with Martin and then realising I needed to sort myself out because I was a bit of a mess. I hated myself.
Tough time: Amanda Abbington has revealed that she considered suicide after her split from ex-husband Martin Freeman left her ‘hating herself’ (pictured together in 2014)
Candid: In an interview on the Full Disclosure podcast, Amanda – who played Martin’s wife Mary Watson in BBC’s Sherlock – told how she was a ‘mess’ after the breakdown of their marriage
‘It was funny because the other day, and I’ve never told anyone, not even my therapist, I’d had a row with Grace [her daughter] because she couldn’t find her uniform and was late for school.
‘So in the end I had to drive her to school instead of the bus and I was sitting in the car and I was having a go at her and I was getting nothing back from her because she’s a 15-year-old and she’s going through all this stuff.
‘She’s a girl, I’m a mother — rage, anxiety. And I was sat there as I was driving, in my head, and I haven’t said this since I started therapy six years ago, “you could always kill yourself”.
‘And that was what my mantra used to be. If you’ve let people down and upset somebody or if you’re not being the best you can or you’re a bad mother, or you’re not stepping up with your acting, you can always kill yourself.’
Amanda went on to say that the idea of taking her life used to be an ‘option’ for her in the past, but that she last had the same thought six years ago – around the time of her separation from Martin.
She continued: ‘That was a genuine option for me, quite a few times in my life. Then I don’t have to be this bad person because I don’t have to be here any more.
‘And I thought about that and I thought, “Oh my God I haven’t thought about that in six years”.’
Continuing to speak about her mental health, she went on: ‘It all stems back to childhood and who you surround yourself with and what you put out there, the signals you send out.
Exes: The actress, 49, was married to The Office star, 51, for 16 years until their split in 2016 and they share children Joe, 17, and Grace, 15, together (pictured in 2009)
Difficult: Detailing how much the split had affected her, she told how suicide was a ‘genuine option for me’ during the dark period of her life, telling how she recently had a similar thought after a row with her daughter
Honest: ‘It was breaking up with Martin and then realising I needed to sort myself out because I was a bit of a mess. I hated myself’ (pictured in 2015)
Thoughts: ‘That was a genuine option for me, quite a few times in my life. Then I don’t have to be this bad person because I don’t have to be here any more’
‘People go “Oh there’s a vulnerable person with anxiety and low self esteem, I can use that and push that person down”. You attract what you think you deserve.’
Amanda previously revealed that she kept her high-profile break up a secret for six months after she and Martin just couldn’t live with each other anymore.
Talking to the The Sunday Times magazine she said: ‘When we broke up nobody knew, we didn’t tell anybody except for a few key people because they had to know, because of the logistics of hotels and stuff.
‘It took six months for it to get out and a lot of that was while we were working on Sherlock… We were professional and we were going to get on and make a show and be civil to each other.
‘We still get on really well, we still really both admire each other as actors… he’s a great guy, but we just couldn’t live with each other any more.’
The pair met on the set of the film Men Only in 2000 and went on to play formidable duo John and Mary Watson in the acclaimed BBC drama Sherlock.
Meanwhile Martin has since gone on to date French actress Rachel Mariam, 30, who has featured in many roles including BBC’s smash hit Normal People.
Former love: The pair met on the set of the film Men Only in 2000 and went on to play formidable duo John and Mary Watson in the acclaimed BBC drama Sherlock (pictured)
Moved on: Martin has since gone on to date French actress Rachel Mariam, 30, who has featured in many roles including BBC’s smash hit Normal People (pictured in 2021)
Happy again: Amanda is now in a relationship with former daredevil Jonathan Goodwin, 43, the couple were friends for years before they began dating
Amanda is now in a relationship with former daredevil Jonathan Goodwin, 43, the couple were friends for years before they began dating.
However they were only together two months before Jonathan became permanently paralysed when he was crushed during a stunt – leaving him in a wheelchair.
Last month, Jonathan revealed he offered fiancée Amanda a way out of their ‘love story’ relationship after he was paralysed from the waist down when a TV stunt went horribly wrong.
The escapologist suffered life-changing injuries after he was crushed between two suspended cars while rehearsing a daredevil stunt for reality show America’s Got Talent: Extreme in 2021.
And Goodwin admits he would have understood had Abbington opted to walk away from the relationship as he attempted to rebuild his life.
‘I should have died on the operating table from the accident, so I am incredibly lucky to be here,’ he said during a joint appearance on the Valentine’s Day instalment of Loose Women.
‘Not that I would recommend nearly dying but it’s incredible, therapy, and then I feel so lucky and I pinch myself.
‘It’s such a massive change, it’s like becoming an adult baby. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody but I think that with all the physical challenges I’ve had in my life I’m uniquely adapted to dealing with it.’
Devastating: Last month, Jonathan revealed he offered fiancée Amanda a way out of their ‘love story’ relationship after he was paralysed from the waist down when a TV stunt went horribly wrong
Candid: Goodwin admits he would have understood had Amanda opted to walk away from the relationship as he attempted to rebuild his life
Injured: The stuntman, who suffered third degree burns and spent four months in hospital after the incident, will need a wheelchair for the rest of his life after severing his spinal cord
Of Amanda’s get-out clause, he added: ‘I would never judge you for that. The only thing we need to talk about is when we get married. It didn’t even cross our mind.’
The couple confirmed their engagement in 2021 after Goodwin proposed within minutes of meeting the actress for the first time in Vienna – but their emotional bond had organically developed over years of online exchanges and phone-calls.
Amanda had first crossed paths with the stuntman on Twitter in 2012, while they were both involved in other relationships – she with actor Martin and he with now ex-wife Katy.
A mutual respect for one another’s work sparked an initial friendship, but it would be a further nine years – by which time they were both single – before they finally fell for one another.
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