During her seven years on reality show The Only Way Is Essex, viewers watched Demi Sims trying to figure out who she really is, admitting she’d struggled with her sexuality since her teens, and gradually accepting the fact that she’s attracted to girls.
When we meet the 26 year old, she tells us she’s finally comfortable with herself and, as a result, is more determined than ever to be a role model for others in the same situation.
“I want people to look at me and think, ‘She’s done it, so we can do it,’” says Demi, who first publicly referred to herself as bisexual when she was 19.
“I like it when people look up to me because I try my hardest to put myself out there. I’ve been single for two years, so I’ve not really had a relationship to put out there for others to see. But a couple of years ago I brought my ex [Too Hot To Handle’s Francesca Farago] on to TOWIE because I want the LGBTQ+ community to see that it’s a normal thing.”
Demi, who has also been linked to Love Island 2018 star Megan Barton-Hanson, Geordie Shore’s Bethan Kershaw and Ex On The Beach’s Leonie McSorley, is the first to admit that reaching the level of self-acceptance she has achieved wasn’t easy.
She’s also unwilling to give her sexuality a definitive label now, for fear of being stereotyped.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever have another boyfriend and I’m coming to terms with that now, but I’m still not ready to say I’m fully gay yet,” she tells us. “I don’t know why, I’m just not 100% ready to come out. But I do feel like that day will come and I do see myself marrying a woman. It’s more of a mental game with me and about just accepting it.”
She adds, “It’s not that I think anything bad of it. I love being into girls and I love the LGBTQ+ community, but I’ve just got to make sure I’m 100% ready before I say something because as soon as you label yourself, people like to keep you in that box. My friends and family say to me, ‘Demi, you’re gay – just say it.’ But I’m just not there yet.”
While Demi’s family and friends have been nothing but supportive, the reality star reveals that she went through a period of depression in her teens and it was only when she had therapy that she was able to articulate what was going on with her.
“I realised I liked girls when I was about 15 or 16 and it was a really dark time for me because I didn’t know anyone else who liked girls,” she says. “It made me depressed. All my friends were at the age when they were getting boyfriends and here’s me sitting in my bedroom thinking, ‘I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s going on.’”
Demi admits this isolation made her feel lonely, but says her loved ones quickly knew something was up. “My family could see a difference in me and asked if I wanted to go and see a therapist,” she says. “When I realised that I was interested in girls, I thought no one was ever going to speak to me again or want anything to do with me. It was a really hard time. Back then, I didn’t know anyone else who was gay and I really did feel like an outcast.”
Demi – who’s currently in a new Los Angeles-based reality show, House Of Sims, with her siblings Chloe, Frankie and Charlie – said she even struggled to share her feelings with her therapist.
“It was so scary,” she says. “I didn’t tell my therapist for months what was going on with me. She was trying to guess and, in the end, I just cracked and I told her. It was a weight off my shoulders because the way she reacted was so comforting. She said, ‘That’s OK Demi.’ It made me feel a lot better that I could trust someone and talk about it.”
Following that turning point, Demi felt confident enough to confide in others. “After that, I came out to one of my best friends at the age of 16. She kept it a secret with me until I was 19 and I had my first girlfriend. Thank God I had those two people in my life who I could open up to.”
Recalling the moment she told her parents, Demi says, “I was in an absolute state but when I phoned them they said, ‘We’ve known for years. We just wanted you to feel comfortable and for it to be the right time to tell us.’ It made me feel a lot better and when we told Frankie, she said she already knew as well! But when we told my brother Charlie, he had absolutely no idea. In fact, he and Chloe were both so shocked. But they were still supportive.”
Demi cites the lack of lesbian role models growing up as one of the reasons she felt so alone, saying, “I thought no one around me was going to accept it because I had no one to look up to who was gay. If I’d seen someone who was a gay woman in the media or a famous actress then it would have been a bit easier for me because I’d have thought, ‘These people are accepting her so surely they might accept me.’ But I didn’t really have that.”
Her fears that nobody would understand proved unfounded and she says she’s been “really lucky” when it comes to her family. “They’re very accepting and they really back me – anything they can do to support me, they’ll do it,” she says.
“Frankie always comes to gay clubs and gay events with me. I don’t even think my family can imagine me with a boy now. I think they see me with a girl. Even when I talk about my plans in the future, if I’m talking about kids, I’m always saying, ‘I’ll have to o through that IVF and stuff like that.’ That’s always the way the conversation goes. I never had in mind to have a baby with a man. Everyone’s just accepted it.”Attending Pride is one of the highlights of Demi’s year.
She’s making plans for the London parade, which takes place on 1 July. “I love Pride. I love getting an outfit for it and going with my mates. Frankie comes with me as well. It’s a really enjoyable day because you can just be who you want to be.”
Having spent the last few months in LA filming her show for Only Fans TV, Demi says she’d like to attend Pride there too. “It’s always been my dream to go to the LA one because it’s so big,” she says. “I’ve messaged a few mates to see if anyone wants to fly over for a week’s holiday and go to the parade.”
Off the back of the success of House Of Sims, Demi and her siblings have been welcomed with open arms in the States.
“The people really loved us over there and we made a lot of friends,” she says. When asked if she has dipped her toe into the dating scene, she explains, “I’ve been trying to focus on not getting into a relationship because I have things I need to work on before I can do that. But there were so many beautiful girls in America, I can’t say that I didn’t go on a date – I definitely did.”
We’re also dying to know what the deal is between Demi and Megan, given that they met and fell for each other on Celebs Go Dating in 2019 and have been on and off ever since. “We spent Valentine’s Day together,” Demi says. “Then I had to go back to LA so we just left the book open. It’s pretty hard for me to hold down a relationship at the moment. I’m just letting her do her thing and she’s letting me do mine.”
We have a feeling it’s not the end of their story and Demi tends to agree. “There’s chemistry between us, for sure,” she says. “There always has been and there always will be, but I also see her as a good friend now so we don’t really know what to do.”
As well as preparing to film the second series of House Of Sims, Demi has launched a fashion label, Racing Against Humans. She also wants to use her platform to help others. So before we let her go, we ask what she’d say to anyone who is struggling.
“This is the first time I’ve ever opened up about my therapy experience,” she says. “There’s a taboo around it but it’s such a good thing to talk to someone you don’t know personally. You can open up and sort your problems out with them. It made me feel like I was in a safe space. I’d honestly recommend doing that – it helped me so much.”
House Of Sims is available to stream exclusively on OFTV
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