Joe Swash has opened up about the "dark depression" he faced during the custody battle that he had with his ex.
The presenter and former EastEnders actor, 40, shares his son Harry, 15, with his former partner Emma Sophocleous.
Joe also shares son Rex, three, and daughter Rose, one, with his wife Stacey Solomon, 33 – who he says is an "angel sent to him".
Speaking to The Sun's Fabulous Mag, Joe revealed that him and Emma split within a year of welcoming their son Harry in 2007.
He explained that he didn't see his son for months causing him to get into a very dark place.
Joe told the publication: "When the cameras were off, I was in a mess.
“I’d shut myself in my flat and not talk to anyone. I wouldn’t answer the phone, even though I knew my mum was really anxious about me.”
The father-of-three was then asked if he experienced suicidal thoughts, to which he replied: “No… I don’t think so. But I was in a bad way.
“I remember at times thinking things would be easier that way…”
He explained that not being able to see his son and "be the dad he wanted to be" was what drove him to his lowest points.
Joe continued: “I think, above everything else, more than acting or TV work, I’d always wanted a family and I thought: ‘I’m never going to have that.’
“It made me think about my dad. And all that sadness you keep locked away comes back on top of it all. It was a really bad time and it went on for years.”
Joe has since found happiness with his wife Stacey and their children.
The couple live in "Pickle Cottage" and often share glimpses of their life on social media.
As well as the two children she shares with Joe, Stacey is also the mother of sons Zachary, 14, and Leighton, 10, from previous relationships.
Speaking about his life with Stacey, he said: “I actually feel guilty about how happy I am with life, my family and Stacey.
“There have been years when I had a lot of grief and went through a long depression, and I’d sort of given up on ever having a family and all this love."
He added: "I truly believe Stacey was an angel sent to me by my dad to bring me out of real darkness in my life.
“If I hadn’t met her, everything would have been very different. I don’t know what would have happened to me.”
Joe lost his father Ricky from an undiagnosed heart condition called Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome when he was 11 years old.
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