DURING the wedding planning process, one man was surprised and confused when his wife-to-be made a special request.
She wanted to involve her late fiance's father in the wedding, but one aspect of the tribute gave people pause.
The original conflict went viral when a man posted on Reddit's Am I the A**hole forum prior to his wedding.
He asked commenters if he was in the wrong for not wanting his fiancee "to dance to a love song dedicated to her late fiance at our wedding."
The betrothed man explained that his fiancee, Kayla, had previously planned to marry a man who died in an accident while they were engaged.
Years after, the Reddit poster met and began dating Kayla, and tried to honor her late fiance's place in her life.
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"I accepted her relationship with her late fiance's parents with open arms," he wrote.
"They stayed very close, and by the time we started dating they were basically like a second set of parents to her," the poster continued. Of course, they invited the parents to their wedding.
The problem began when Kayla said that, after her father-daughter dance, she would like to share a dance with her late fiance's father to the song Vanilla Twilight.
This made her husband-to-be uneasy. The Adam Young song is a sad, romantic ballad, with lyrics that include "I'll miss your arms around me," and "when I think of you, I don't feel so alone."
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"It makes me uncomfortable that she would be dancing to a love song dedicated to another man at our wedding," he explained.
Even though the man is happy to include Kayla's late partner in their lives, he felt a little odd about the choice of song in the context of their wedding.
"I am 100 percent fine with having his parents at the wedding because, like I said, we are all a family," he said.
"But I also feel like our wedding is one day that is all about our relationship," he added.
Commenters on the Reddit thread were split and not sure what the best compromise might look like.
One commenter said the lyrics were over-the-top and said the original poster (OP) was justified in feeling awkward.
"I'd actually be embarrassed and hurt for OP if I was at the reception," the commenter wrote.
"In all honesty, you need to get ok with this idea," wrote someone else. "If he hadn’t died, you wouldn’t be marrying her and she’d be dancing to the song with him."
Some told the poster to run far away from the relationship before his wedding day.
"Dude, bail out," one warned. "I get it, you love her, but are you really ready to make this commitment with a girl that loves the ghost of her ex and searches for it actively?"
And others saw nothing wrong with the request, and even found it sweet and meaningful.
"I think it’s a moment of closure for both her and his parents," a Reddit user wrote.
Another person agreed, writing, "It’s a beautiful thing she wants to do for the dead guy's parents and his memory, and OP is overthinking it."
The original poster thanked the other Reddit users for their feedback and promised to take them into consideration.
Months later, he was back with an update – and the compromise made everyone sigh in relief.
"A little anticlimactically, the thing I was stressing about was a bit of a miscommunication," he admitted.
"Vanilla Twilight was an example of a song along the lines of what she wanted, not the set-in-stone top choice like I had thought," the poster explained.
The couple had a long heart-to-heart about their wedding that turned into an hours-long, intimate conversation about grief, love, and the family they hoped to have together.
In the end, Kayla shared a tribute dance with her late partner's father to the song Lean on Me, which proved a fitting choice for their relationship.
And the couple added one more dance to the reception schedule, too.
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Because the original poster had lost his mother prior to the wedding day, he shared a sentimental dance with Kayla's mother instead.
"I just want to say how glad I am that we shared that night together and that the wedding was nothing but love and celebration," he said. "I never thought I could be so happy."
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