AN RELATIONSHIP expert has explained why the viral four-minute challenge won't give you the best intimate experience with your partner.
The so-called 'four-minute foreplay challenge’ is believed to have originated from the relationship coach Vernita Griffith, who encouraged her fans to set a timer on their phones and do ''whatever they want to to a partner'' – with consent, of course.
But whilst the original premise of the idea may sound appealing to some couples, not everyone will be jumping on this trend – and sex whizz, Tanya Koens, is one of them.
Chatting to news.com.au, the guru said: “You can unequivocally quote me on this, four minutes is nowhere near enough time for good foreplay.”
Sharing her thoughts, the pro reckoned the that the idea ''may have been adapted from a technique by [author and somatic sex educator] Betty Martin called the three-minute game''.
The three-minute game
“It’s basically negotiating what will happen and what won't happen,” said Tanya.
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This, she revealed, practices communication and consent, and might be a case of talking to the other party and saying: ''We're going to play this game for pleasurable touch erotic touch or sexual touch.''
Here, the exclusions might often be: ''I just had my hair done, so don't mess it up.''
The game is a great opportunity to learn how to say and hear no and how to use words.
A lot of therapists, Tanya included, recommend the three-minute game to help people learn how to ask for what they want, and to understand the concept of consent via their bodies.
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Steamy confusion
Sadly, however, it seems that the headlines in both mass and social media have been lost in confusion, giving the message a different meaning.
Even a quick search on Google will provide you with heaps of articles with advice by 'experts' who insist that four minutes more than enough for satisfying foreplay.
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The issue, the pro went on, is that people with vulvas ''take time to warm up''.
According to the whizz, it takes around 45-60 minutes for ''their body to have done everything it needs to do on the inside''.
“My worry, when I hear something like ‘four-minute foreplay’ is that people are going to think they can get away with a few minutes of flick and twiddle foreplay, kiss a little bit, touch the breasts a little bit, feel the outside of the vulva and think – well, we’re ready to go.”
How to actually have mind-blowing sex
Tanya warned that not only the four-minute challenge most likely won't lead to any sparks in the bedroom – but that it could also be uncomfortable and even painful.
For a more pleasurable experience, the sex guru advised roughly 20 minutes of foreplay or 'outercourse'.
“You know, you can touch the body – there are erogenous zones!
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''Slowing down and not being in a rush to get to the P-in-V is pretty good and increases pleasure.
''Most women don't have orgasms from penetrative or receptive sex, they need deep kissing, hand stimulation and oral sex.”
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