"The doctors asked me to make a list of my reasons for living. Petunia was the one and only thing on that list," the artist recalled of her beloved pup in an emotional essay she penned for Elle.
Anna Marie Tendler is opening up about how her mental health suffered following her split — and eventual divorce — from ex-husband John Mulaney.
In an emotional essay she penned for Elle, the artist said she suffered a “severe mental health breakdown” toward the end of her marriage to Mulaney, revealing she was hospitalized for “depression, self-harm, and severe suicidal ideation” in early 2021.
Tendler detailed her bond with her late French bulldog, Petunia, in the essay, sharing how the pup was there to support her amid mental health struggles.
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“Petunia and I moved to Connecticut in December 2020, in the wake of my severe mental health breakdown and what appeared to be the impending end of my marriage,” she wrote. “We fused even more deeply together in an attuned and totally symbiotic relationship. She never let me out of her sight. In fact, she watched me intently, as if I was the thing she now needed to guard, though, where guarding once incited her primal rage, she would now guard me with the deepest kind of love I had ever known.”
“My mental health hinged wholly on my dog,” Tendler continued. “When I was hospitalized for depression, self-harm, and severe suicidal ideation in the first two weeks of 2021, the doctors asked me to make a list of my reasons for living. Petunia was the one and only thing on that list.”
The 37-year-old said that Petunia “became an entirely new version of herself” to take care of her owner.
“When I returned home, it was as if Petunia knew this and took her job very seriously,” Tendler said. “She mellowed, almost overnight. Except for an errant sock theft here and there, she stopped resource guarding. She sat at my feet at every meal. She followed me around my property without a leash, never straying more than 20 feet and always galloping back to me when she did.”
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She added, “Petunia became an entirely new version of herself. It wasn’t a different self. She still tried to bite the vet when she had her nails trimmed and she still chased and bit any man’s feet. Yet she seemed to unlock an extra part of herself that was always there, waiting to emerge when it needed to.”
In the essay, Tendler detailed Petunia’s health struggles, sharing that the canine suffered from heart disease as well as “brain tumor or brain stem disease.” Last April, following the deterioration of Petunia’s health, Tendler “made the decision that Petunia’s life should come to a close.”
“She was my constant through marriage, four moves, graduate school, a career change (or two), a mental health crisis, a divorce, and finally a reinvention,” she wrote of her beloved pet.
Tendler ended the essay by recalling Petunia’s final moments.
“She took her last breaths while cradled in my arms. Even after life had left her body, I sat with her, held her, and continued to talk to her,” she wrote. “I told her how much I love her. I told her how grateful I was for her love and companionship. I promised her that I was okay and that I would be okay without her; crushed, lonely, but okay. I thanked her for staying with me — for guarding me — until I was strong enough to survive without her.”
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In May 2021, Tendler and Mulaney announced they had separated, and the latter filed for divorce the following July after nearly seven years of marriage. The two revealed their split just months after Mulaney’s rehab stint for alcoholism and cocaine addiction.
“I am heartbroken that John has decided to end our marriage. I wish him support and success as he continues his recovery,” Tendler said in a statement at the time.
Mulaney later confirmed that he had actually moved out of his and Tendler’s shared home in October 2020. He began dating Olivia Munn shortly after news of his divorce was made public, and the two later welcomed their first child.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of harming themselves or taking their own life, get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (just dial 988) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress.
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