EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: William unlikely to avoid formality at Coronation

EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: Despite his wishes, William is unlikely to avoid the pomp and circumstance when he is formally named Prince of Wales at the King’s Coronation

William, keen to avoid a Prince of Wales investiture similar to his dad’s 1969 Ruritanian extravaganza, might not get off as lightly as he’d hoped. 

Announcing the formal Letters Patent, the King last week declared that he would honour William by ‘gifting him with a sword, by placing a coronet upon his head and a gold ring upon his finger and also by delivering a gold rod into his hand’. 

Doesn’t it sound like the ceremony William wants to avoid? 

He certainly won’t want to don a coronet similar to his dad’s. The golden orb on top was a table tennis ball encased in gold leaf.

William, keen to avoid a Prince of Wales investiture similar to his dad’s 1969 Ruritanian extravaganza, might not get off as lightly as he’d hoped

The golden orb on top of the crown used in King Charles’s Prince of Wales inauguration ceremony was a table tennis ball encased in gold leaf

Paul O’Grady’s peaceful but sudden death might not have been a huge surprise to the entertainer, who recently described himself as a resident in ‘God’s waiting room’. 

‘Fit and healthy – are you out of your mind?’ he laughed. ‘I’ve undertakers tapping on the window when I walk past. They’re asking, “Any time?” I’m like, shut up.’

Mourning Paul, Carol Vorderman will miss him as part of her marathon luncheon group. 

‘There’s a little gang of us with Paul, Alan Carr, Gok Wan and Sally Lindsay,’ she says. 

‘We call ourselves Gays and Girls. We would have the longest lunches, often lasting 13 hours.’

Carol Vorderman (pictured) will Paul O’Grady as part of her marathon luncheon group

Paul O’Grady’s peaceful but sudden death might not have been a huge surprise to the entertainer, who recently described himself as a resident in ‘God’s waiting room’

Hayley Mills is delighted that the Oscar she won for Pollyanna aged 14 and was subsequently stolen has been replaced by the Academy. 

But rumours persist that her late father John was so jealous of her win that he didn’t tell her about it. 

Says a friend: ‘She didn’t even know she’d won the award or had been invited to Hollywood until it turned up in the post.’ 

Fortuitously John, who died in 2005, subsequently won his own Oscar for playing the village idiot Michael in Ryan’s Daughter.

Twinkle-toed Bill Bailey has fired up Gordon Ramsay’s ambition to dance. 

‘I’d love to do Strictly before I get too old,’ he says. ‘But I am nervous about the tight-fitting shirts – and I heard that they sew underpants into your trousers… That’s my biggest fear – the trousers splitting live on Saturday night.’

SAS: Who Dares Wins luminary Ant Middleton recalls his initiation into the Parachute Regiment when he was ordered to approach the largest bloke in a nightclub, buy him a drink and then punch him. 

SAS: Who Dares Wins luminary Ant Middleton recalls his initiation into the Parachute Regiment when he was ordered to approach the largest bloke in a nightclub, buy him a drink and then punch him

‘So I went over there, went to offer him a drink – it makes me cringe when I think back on it,’ he recalls. 

‘He went to take the pint, I swung, and connected with what I thought was the best punch of my life. The guy just stood there, sort of laughed at me, and gave me the biggest right hook. Before I knew it I was on the floor.’ 

Served you right big lad.

The hell-raising author of The White Hotel DM Thomas, who has died aged 88, blamed himself for extinguishing fellow scribe and Cornish neighbour William Golding after an epic drinking session. 

‘My God, I’ve killed him, keeping him up too late and causing him to drink too much,’ he wailed to Golding’s daughter. 

She assured him he had been suffering from heart problems and was expected to go at any time. Lots to talk about, chaps.

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