It was one day in May 2018 that Lorraine Wilson decided that she had had enough.
After a hectic few years living in Germany, where booze was abundant and free-flowing, the 30-year-old thought that it would be best for her wellbeing that she overhauled her attitude to drinking – by quitting all together.
‘In short, I just wasn’t happy with some of the habits I was starting to pick up,’ Lorraine explains. ‘I was never medically diagnosed as an alcoholic, but it was certainly getting to a point where it was a concern for me.
‘It wasn’t really related to the fact I’m trans, but it was after I’d come out and it had contributed to a lot of my stress at the time. When I recognised my drinking had become a problem, I just thought, “okay, I’m done”.’
Lorraine isn’t an outlier in this trend of banishing the booze, with an increasing number of people looking to cut back on or stop drinking alcohol entirely.
The Office of National Statistics has reported around 1/5 of adults in the UK are now teetotal, with the number of people who consume alcohol regularly declining steadily from 2004. The popularisation of sober challenges, such as Dry January and Going Sober For October, have also encouraged people flirting with teetotalism to give it a go long term.
In relation to her own journey to sobriety, Lorraine acknowledges that her binge drinking habits for Dutch courage became a supplement for genuine confidence, and so she thought going entirely cold turkey was the only way she could move forward.
‘I started my gender transition in my mid-20s,’ she says. ‘That’s fairly late. When I got to the age that my gender identity was becoming a problem for me, my confidence took a massive hit.
‘There were times where I’d be in bars and in my head, I’d think: “You don’t belong here, you don’t deserve to be here. You should just go home.”’
It’s not an uncommon feeling, particularly amongst the LGBTQ+ community, who may use alcohol as a crux to deal with insecurities and uncertainties around their sexuality or gender identity.
A study by University College London in 2021 found that queer people are significantly more likely to report alcohol and drug misuse compared to their straight counterparts, with 37% of gay and lesbian people suffering from alcohol dependency when compared to the 24% of heterosexuals surveyed.
The LGBTQ+ community historically paved the way for their own safe spaces where they were free to unapologetically express themselves without judgement or criticism through a once underground yet thriving nightlife scene, with an easy availability of alcohol alongside other substances.
However, in more recent years, more queer people are developing new safe spaces within the community with sobriety at the heart.
It was something Scott Pearson, 32, was keen to advocate for, particularly after he chose to go sober in 2018. Looking for places for gay people to go that didn’t necessarily involve alcohol was difficult, he joined sobriety group Club Soda, and became the London-based manager for their spin-off group, Queers Without Beers.
‘I came onto the Soho scene when I was just 16,’ explains Scott, who documented his journey to sobriety on Instagram. ‘In my opinion, I was exposed to too much too soon, and things would have started to really spiral if I didn’t stop when I did.
‘I had really started to develop an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and I was using it for the wrong reasons. But the thought of being a sober 28-year-old gay man petrified me, because so much of our community and culture is around drinking.
‘I started to run my own events under the Proud and Sober umbrella because I didn’t want anyone who decided to quit drinking to feel as lonely as I did. I partnered with charities such as Alcohol Beers and started working with Queers Without Beers, which I’ve just took over.
‘Since I went sober, I’ve never looked back.’
In the four years since he stopped drinking, Scott has seen a definite shift amongst attitudes towards alcohol, both within and outside the LGBTQ+ community.
‘We’ve seen such an appetite for all the socials I’ve ran,’ he explains. ‘We’ve done meet-ups at community centres, and we’re planning a queer history tour at the new Queer Britain museum.
‘There’s this perception that everyone in the LGBTQ+ community drinks and does drugs. But once you make the decision to go sober and start to explore that world, there are so many more people doing it than you’d think.
‘I’ve got a group of best friends and three out of four of them are all sober, purely out of choice. I had such a positive group of people around me that not drinking is not even a conversation around us at all. My life is better than it ever was.’
However, not everyone is necessarily so understanding about a desire to quit drinking altogether. It’s not just in queer culture that alcohol is firmly embedded: it’s British society which is boozy in its entirety.
While we may be drinking less on the whole, social life in the UK often centres in on locations where alcohol is free flowing – pubs, bars and clubs – which can often result in difficulties for those hoping to abstain.
There is also a morbid curiosity, particularly amongst Brits, when someone reveals they don’t drink, as Lorraine found when she moved back to the UK shortly before lockdown.
The LGBTQ+ community is 5% of the population. It’s a lot of people that need to be catered for.
‘When I quit drinking in Germany, there wasn’t such a stigma around it,’ she remembers. ‘Every now and then someone asked why I wasn’t drinking and I would explain I was trying to stay sober, and everyone said that was fine and we’d carry on.
‘When I came to London, it got really, really difficult as I recognised I was the only sober person who wasn’t high in any location. As everyone got louder and more relaxed, I didn’t. I was always a little bit guarded. It sometimes felt like I was missing out.’
The British drinking culture also came as somewhat of a shock from Australian native Maryann Wright, who began to set up her own sober events in November 2020. While not entirely teetotal herself, the 31-year-old doesn’t particularly care for pubs or clubs, and found herself feeling quite lonely when she first moved to the UK.
‘I found, as a gay woman, there were very few spaces that existed that catered to people who didn’t want to meet in a pub or anything fuelled by alcohol,’ she explains.
‘I created Sappho Events to fill my own needs, but I also did a survey and I spoke to lots of queer people and they all said the same thing. My poll showed around 78% of people wanted a sober place to meet people. It was clear there was a gap in the market.
‘There needs to be spaces that support sobriety and allow people to feel 100% safe in an environment where they can be sober, and if they are facing temptations, they’re away from substances or bad habits.
‘The LGBTQ+ community is 5% of the population. It’s a lot of people that need to be catered for.’
Maryann adds that she holds ‘wholesome’ activities such as pottery evenings, boardgame nights, speed dating and a book club, is particularly vital for queer and trans women, and non-binary people who may have felt out of place when attending other sober queer groups.
‘From what I’ve seen in the UK, a lot of queer spaces are ran by men,’ she says. ‘There isn’t the representation for queer women. When we held our boardgame night, I had lots of girls coming up to me and thanking me, as they’d been to other sober events and it’s basically a load of gay men and then they’re the only woman or non-binary person.’
There have been efforts to readdress the balance by the queer community, with London’s LGBTQ+ Community Centre opening in 2021 in Blackfriars to provide services that weren’t centered around alcohol or clubbing. A booze-free zone, assistant manager Tom Ana hopes that the centre can cater for people who don’t want to drink but still want to build a sense of community with likeminded people.
‘We offer everything from essential support services to meet-ups, dancing, arts, films and yoga,’ they explain. ‘Our calendar is run almost entirely by the community and there’s so many amazing things happening here.
‘In particular we try hard to ensure the space is free and available for more-marginalised groups within the community, and are happy to offer a space for smaller groups that might otherwise not be able to book a central London venue.’
Tom adds the community centre aims to be a cost-effective way for people to meet, particularly during the cost of living crisis where going to an expensive venue or club night may just be off the cards for people who aren’t sober.
‘Alcohol-focused spaces can present a real barrier for people, and tend to cater for a single sort of group, which means that people outside that group is marginalised,’ they say. ‘Running a space that doesn’t require you to spend a penny means people can come without worrying about cost being another barrier, and it ensures that the space is a melting pot of backgrounds and generations that it should be.’
Effectively, it is money that is a barrier from making spaces like the LGBTQ+ Community Centre more commonplace.
‘It is vital we get more funding for sober spaces in the community,’ Scott adds. ‘If we only give people the option of finding the space where there’s alcohol and drugs, that’s only ever going to go one way.
‘If we pump funding into community spaces that don’t rely on alcohol, it gives young people a place to explore who you are as a person and have a positive experience in a safe environment.
‘We also need more awareness of the issue in the media. The more we draw attention to it, the more awareness there will be, and will hopefully lead to more efforts for people to feel included.’
However, everyone is keen to stress that nightclubs aren’t necessarily the problem: plenty of people can and do enjoy the LGBTQ+ community’s thriving nightlife scene sober or otherwise. It’s only problematic when this is the only option presented as a way to meet people or explore your sexuality.
Maryann agrees. ‘It’s not just enough to open and LGBTQ+ nightclub and say, “Well you can all come, so it’s inclusive.” That will only suit a certain type of person. That’s why its important that as a community we have a variety of offerings that are different. I know people who love and live for clubbing. For me, I hate it, it’s just not my thing and I don’t get enjoyment out of it.
‘If that was the only option for me to socialise, then I would be so sad because I wouldn’t be able to celebrate my queerness or to find common friends.’
For Lorraine, it took a while for her to adjust to a social life around sobriety.
‘It was hard at first,’ she admits. ‘But after a few times doing it, it got easier, and now I’m happy to go to the club sober. I even went to a nightclub sober with a group of friends, and we stayed out until 4am.
‘You do have to draw on reserves of confidence to do this, and that takes practise. When you become genuinely confident in yourself, it’s so rewarding.’
And while sobriety initially appeared to be a huge mountain for her to climb, Lorraine urges other people considering turning teetotal to just give it a go without being too harsh on yourself.
‘I’d say start with low-alcoholic drinks or mocktails,’ she advises. ‘What looks and feels and tastes like an alcoholic drink in hand makes you feel far more a part of the experience than just having a soft drink.
‘It’s okay not to put too much pressure on yourself to do everything all at once. Just because cold turkey works for one person, it doesn’t necessarily mean it works for everyone.
‘You don’t have to go from 100 to zero. You can go back and forth and struggle – you don’t need to do more or less and feel better/worse than the rest of us. And knowing that also makes it easier.’
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Metro.co.uk celebrates 50 years of Pride
This year marks 50 years of Pride, so it seems only fitting that Metro.co.uk goes above and beyond in our ongoing LGBTQ+ support, through a wealth of content that not only celebrates all things Pride, but also share stories, take time to reflect and raises awareness for the community this Pride Month.
MORE: Find all of Metro.co.uk’s Pride coverage right here
And we’ve got some great names on board to help us, too. From a list of famous guest editors taking over the site for a week that includes Rob Rinder, Nicola Adams, Peter Tatchell, Kimberly Hart-Simpson, John Whaite, Anna Richardson and Dr Ranj, we’ll also have the likes Sir Ian McKellen and Drag Race stars The Vivienne, Lawrence Chaney and Tia Kofi offering their insights.
During Pride Month, which runs from 1 – 30 June, Metro.co.uk will also be supporting Kyiv Pride, a Ukrainian charity forced to work harder than ever to protect the rights of the LGBTQ+ community during times of conflict, and youth homelessness charity AKT. To find out more about their work, and what you can do to support them, click here.
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