Little Oliver had the proprietorial air of a hotel manager glad-handing guests at breakfast: HENRY DEEDES watches Sunak’s No2 take on Angela Rayner in a PMQs battle of the deputies
Romcom series of a certain era tended to adopt a will-they-won’t-they narrative between the two protagonists. They were always the usual chalk ‘n’ cheese types: he the strait-laced goof, she the ball-breaking co-worker with mucho attitude and plenty of sass. Think: To The Manor Born or Moonlighting.
Each week the pair would bicker, fight and generally profess utter revulsion toward one another. Then, just as they’re about to go their separate ways and agree to never speak again – whump! Don’t cha just know it, it turned out they were made for each other all along.
Perhaps I’m imagining it, but I can’t help but detect such a frisson between deputy prime minister Oliver Dowden and his opposite number Angela Rayner.
Nothing romantic, heavens no. I just mean that they secretly regard each other more amiably than they let on.
Who can say, when all this is over some sort of reality TV show for the pair beckons — with Ange taking cultured Olive on a bar crawl around some of Ashton-under-Lyme’s more salubrious night-time hotspots, while in return Dowden takes her on a cultural tour of the Dordogne in a convertible Citroen Deux Chevaux.
With Rishi Sunak in Washington, Deputy Prime Minister Oliver Dowden (pictured today) and Labour Party deputy leader Angela Rayner faced off for a second time at PMQs
With Rishi Sunak in Washington, the pair faced off for a second time at PMQs. Their first meeting was perfect pilot episode material: Terse, combative but… at the same time playful. As we segued into episode two, things got, well, a little more snippy.
The first thing to note from Wednesday’s session was just how stately Little Olive has become since easing into his new role as prime ministerial deputy.
He entered the chamber at midday with a proprietorial air of a hotel manager glad-handling guests around the breakfast palm court. At one point, I almost thought he might go on a little tour of the backbenches and inquire about Tory MPs’ wellbeing.
Meanwhile, Rayner pretended not to have even noticed he’d arrived, her body language radiating wild indifference.
The last time they faced off, Rayner’s questions rambled on far too long. So when she kicked off with a question about the Government’s much-delayed Covid Inquiry, she opted for brevity.
‘How’s it going?’ she asked mockingly. ‘I welcome the much shorter question,’ replied Dowden, shooting his inquisitor a buttery grin. Ange wrinkled her nose and bulged her eyes as if to say ‘whatever, mate.’
Rayner accused the Government of blocking the inquiry while wasting money on ‘loophole lawyers’.
Dowden pointed out she too had been rather profligate with taxpayers’ cash by claiming two sets of noise-reducing headphones on her parliamentary expenses.
‘If I had to attend Shadow Cabinet meetings, I’d want to tune them out too,’ laughed Olive, coolly blowing the smoke from the barrel of his gun.
Ms Rayner (pictured today) was getting bored with all this juvenile pigtail-pulling. She was in no mood for jokes. This was serious. She complained about Boris’s intransigence in handing over his WhatsApp messages to the inquiry
Ms Rayner was getting bored with all this juvenile pigtail-pulling. She was in no mood for jokes. This was serious.
She complained about Boris’s intransigence in handing over his WhatsApp messages to the inquiry.
Joker Olive though thought he was on a roll. ‘I do not think that we need to search the Right Honourable Lady’s WhatsApp messages to know that there is no communication between her and the leader of her party!’ he wisecracked.
Ange sighed. ‘These punchlines are dire,’ she replied witheringly.
Oh dear. Fade out, cut to ad break.
If that all sounds like a delightful ding-dong, then I should explain I’ve given you the heavily edited highlights reel. In reality, it was about as exciting a contest as watching two people race lawnmowers around Silverstone.
In truth, neither side look particularly up for it. A word to the Ange ‘n’ Ol scriptwriters: Need to pep things up a bit next time. Perhaps some sort of schmaltzy reconciliation is in order.
About the only other noteworthy thing to report was the presence of Gene Simmons, singer in 1980s rock band Kiss, who was apparently there as a guest of Ian Paisley (DUP, Antrim).
Mr Kiss sat motionless at the rear of the chamber in a pair of enormous dark glasses. Tres rock ‘n’ roll.
Mind you, after this session I wouldn’t blame him if he was simply having a snooze.
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