Welcome back to How I Parent, where we get a glimpse into how the nation is raising their kids.
This week, children’s author Zoe Ayre, 36, from Yorkshire, candidly shares her sleep schedule – or lack of – for her 20-month-old daughter.
‘It sounds really basic and obvious, but as a new mum there is so much information out there telling you what their wake windows should be, what their nap schedule should look like and what time they should go to bed,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.
‘My natural instinct was to be just responsive, to simply allow my daughter to sleep when she is tired, so I just followed her lead.’
Zoe’s go-with-the-flow mentally allows for spontaneity in her day, without fear of messing up a sleep regime.
‘Does it mean she sometimes has “danger naps” late in the afternoon resulting in a late bedtime? Absolutely. But it also means that as a family we have a lot of flexibility in our routine and for us, this approach really works.’
In the early weeks and months of motherhood, Zoe looked for a tribe that could give her reassurance that this approach was actually okay to do.
‘I found some online accounts that were doing the same and they provided a sense of community and recognition,’ she says.
‘My husband, Andy, has always been really on board and I think his views are very similar to mine. It’s very difficult to force a baby to sleep who isn’t tired, or to keep a little one awake who is absolutely shattered.’
It does reduce their couple time if their little one is awake at 10pm, but Zoe says at the moment, it’s no big deal and they all go to bed together.
Zoe takes a Nordic approach to napping, wheeling her daughter around the front garden in her pram until she drops off in the fresh air.
And if she drifts off to sleep when out and about in the car, the parents prefer to just let her snooze on through.
‘I’m a big advocate for respectful parenting and like giving my daughter the freedom and opportunity to learn without intervening (unless of course there’s a safety issue). I take inspiration from a lot of different sources including some of the Montessori techniques,’ says Zoe.
‘My own parenting style doesn’t fit into one particular box. If there’s something that doesn’t sit well with me in gentle parenting for example, then I just won’t implement that in my home.’
She’s also not a fan of traditional forms of punishment, adding: ‘If there’s something that I don’t think is okay for her to do, then I will stop her from doing that, but I don’t tell her off or punish her for those behaviours.’
Zoe’s response to those who might judge her (or anyone else’s) approach to parenting?
‘We will always have different approaches and that’s okay. I think it’s important to focus on the positivity of what you believe in, without being negative about the alternative,’ she says.
‘I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with what feels good to you and aligns with your values, and if you come across posts online that don’t resonate with you, then it’s absolutely okay to scroll on by and ignore that.’
Ask an expert: Is it a good idea to ditch bedtimes?
Parenting and sleep expert, Rosey Davidson, says: ‘While flexibility is essential in parenting, having a routine in place with your child offers numerous benefits. Emotional stability, healthy sleep patterns, balanced eating habits, time management, and fostering independence are just some of the advantages.
‘Saying that, we do always need to think about the wellbeing of parents alongside that of their children. If a mum finds it easier and less stressful to forgo a nap routine, there really isn’t any rule that they have to have one!
‘If the mum is happy and relaxed, then the child will follow. Parents can choose to think about this later on, when they feel ready, or when the child starts school. We all have the capacity for change, however old we are.’
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