If you’ve always been a serial dater, finding yourself on the cusp of a relationship can be daunting.
Likewise, if you’re a relationship person getting used to dating multiple people, that transition isn’t easy (and we’ll be looking at this side of the coin next week).
Serial daters might fear losing their freedom, worry about putting their trust and faith in another person, feel unsure about the idea of another investing in them, and shy away from commitment.
Hayley Quinn, dating expert for Match, says this is very much a ‘thing’ in the dating world – but it can be navigated without self-sabotage.
She says: ‘If you get cold feet just thinking about a relationship, you need to learn how to pace yourself.
‘Let go of the idea of what you “should” be doing, and learn how to develop a relationship at your own pace.’
It’s easy to get caught up the initial romance – and therefore rush ahead, making things feel more intense than they need to be.
Hayley recommends if you find yourself panicking internally about getting closer to someone you’re seeing, sit with that feeling and take the time to unpack it before suddenly ending things.
‘Your partner will really value you communicating that you enjoy your independence, and taking a few days for yourself, rather than jumping ship on the whole relationship,’ she says.
‘The most compatible partners for you will be comfortable to give you the space and time you need to adjust.
‘It can be scary to open up to someone new, but when you do you also give yourself the opportunity to be truly accepted for who you are.’
You won’t know until you try.
If you’re a serial dater at the early stages of dating with a ‘relationship person’, you might also want to think about the different places you’re coming from.
The serial dater might feel relaxed on a first date, being so used to it, while the relationship person might feel nervous and out of practice.
Understanding has to go both ways.
Hayley says: ‘Nearly all of us experience nerves throughout the process of building a relationship with someone.
‘Some people fear being rejected when they ask someone on a date, others that they will invest into a relationship only to be let down.
‘Remember that your partner will also have their own set of hesitations about getting to know you.’
Hayley’s top tips for serial daters
- Communication: No one comes with a user manual, so help your partner to understand how you’re approaching your relationship by communicating your needs.
- Values: Look out for people who are closely aligned with you on key areas – you find communicating with them easy, you want to spend roughly the same amount of time together, and you both want to have a similar level of commitment.
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