DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has had two affairs with my daughter’s teacher and I accidentally told the whole year group.
When I discovered he’d strayed the second time, I was devastated and composed a message to my best friend telling her everything.
But I sent it on the class WhatsApp group.
I was mortified when every single mum and some dads messaged me their support.
I am 34 and my partner is 37. We have been together for eight years and have a son aged seven and a daughter aged five.
When my son started school it was obvious the dads fancied the reception-year teacher — my husband included.
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I would tease him about his schoolboy crush but the joking stopped a few months later, when a friend told me she’d seen him sneaking out of the teacher’s home late one night.
He admitted everything and said he really regretted it.
He promised he’d never stray again. He’s always been a big drinker and the first time he cheated was in the middle of a really bad patch.
He blamed the affair on booze and said he’d kick that too.
He really cut back and I believed we had got over the worst of it.
Still, last September was a big challenge.
Our daughter was due to start at school and this woman remained in her teaching post.
We agreed it was better for our children to remain at the school so we stayed.
Then my husband started drinking more, being nasty and critical towards me and hiding his phone.
I knew something was wrong.
Soon after, I found proof on his phone that he was seeing the teacher again.
Devastated doesn’t cover it.
Now it’s common knowledge and I can’t bear the sympathetic looks.
How do I get through this?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You forgave him once but sadly he couldn’t be trusted.
Nothing will change until he admits to an alcohol problem. You can’t force him.
Of course too much alcohol is bad for his physical and emotional health but he can’t use that as an excuse for cheating.
You have some difficult decisions to make.
If the drink and other woman mean more to him than you and your family, it may be best to walk away.
You can find support through Al-Anon, who help partners of those with a drink problem (al-anonuk.org.uk, 0800 0086 811).
My support pack Dealing With A Problem Drinker will help you too.
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