Written by Molly Raycraft
Turns out, you can tell a lot about someone from their voice – so should we all be asking for a voice note before meeting someone we want to date IRL?
Recently, following a break-up, I ended my six-year hiatus from dating apps and downloaded Hinge. It marked my first foray into an unfamiliar world: elaborate profiles filled with multiple-choice prompts, star signs, dating goals and, perhaps most intriguingly, voice recordings. This has, in turn, led to another discovery – reader, I am a voice-note dater.
The idea of voice recordings playing a part in online dating is still fairly new. Bumble only introduced a voice note function within its chats in 2021; Hinge enabled voice notes within messaging and profile ‘voice prompts’ (recorded snippets of audio pinned to a dating profile) the same year. The latter was a controversial addition, with the feature soon being widely mocked on social media. It has, for example, become a popular trend to mimic ‘cringe’ voice prompts from people’s dating profiles for a laugh on TikTok.
Some others, meanwhile, see voice notes on dating apps as self-absorbed and unnecessary. The issue of ‘voice-phishing’, where someone uses an accent that they perceive to be more attractive than their real one, has also sullied the reputation of voice-note dating. Still, more than 1 million users recorded a voice prompt for their Hinge profile in the first four months after the feature launched, according to Hinge – and I soon jumped on the bandwagon, too.
I’d been chatting via text with someone I’d recently matched with when, suddenly, they answered with a voice note. I plucked up the courage to respond with one of my own. Since then, I’ve found talking instead of texting is a much faster way to achieve authentic conversations, create a sense of familiarity (even before a first date) and prevent messages being misinterpreted.
It’s unsurprising that hearing someone’s voice can create a greater sense of ease. A person’s voice has a significant influence on whether we’re attracted to someone or not, with a huge 64% of people considering voice an important factor in determining if they like a potential match, according to research by Hinge Labs. “The pitch, tone and even the pace of speaking can be a dealbreaker,” agrees fellow voice-note dater, Emma, 46, who has been using the voice note feature since last October. “It’s definitely a chemistry check tool for both parties.”
I was, for instance, taken aback by how much my attraction for someone was confirmed when they confidently sent me a voice note with their smooth Canadian tones on full volume (a turn-on I didn’t know I had).
Similarly, when the voice notes start to flow back and forth, it’s pretty easy to tell if there’s the potential for chemistry with someone, regardless of whether you’ve met in real life. Relationship psychotherapist Dipti Tait says this is because of ‘phonetic convergence’, a pattern-matching sequence that we perform subconsciously to synchronise with people we often like.
When sending a voice note to a potential date, phonetic convergence may mean the tone and style of your voice notes begin to synchronise with your match’s voice notes, which is a positive compatibility sign. It’s a “subconscious vocal clue,” says Dipti. “If you know that someone is either repeating the same words as you or using the same pace and tone as you, it’s a kind of clue that things are going really well.”
Experiencing this rapport through voice recordings first is good confirmation that your connection is worth exploring with a date. Plus, it creates a level of familiarity to help soften any first date nerves. “I always ask for a voice note before meeting someone,” says Mia, 24, another fellow voice-note dater. “I feel like I need it to check if there is a vibe and if they’re confident enough to send one – you 100% get more personality through a voice note.”
However, voice-noting doesn’t just prepare you for the first date. According to Tait, one of its most crucial benefits is that it cements communication and active listening into the foundations of any relationship you may end up building with a match.
“When you’re hearing a voice note you have to stop what you’re doing to listen,” she explains. “Whereas when you’re texting you can be doing other things and texting at the same time. It’s a bit more absent. When you’re listening, you have to be a bit more present. That can enhance communication.”
Of course, there are still times when I respond with a text over a voice note. Standing on a packed commuter train recording a voice note at 7am is not something I’m likely to do. But when I do send one, I find there’s much less ambiguity in the interaction. My mind doesn’t run away with itself wondering if my delivery was too blunt or whether their short message means they’re not feeling it anymore.
Instead, their voice tells me everything I need to know – whether they’re dashing between a meeting or sitting down to tell me about their day for a full five minutes; whether they’re happy, bored or just busy. This sort of interaction “is less likely to get miscommunicated as easily [as texts], because the tone is there to soften it,” says Tait.
However, Tait warns that voice-noting isn’t for everyone. Some people understandably find it anxiety-inducing, which defeats the point entirely. “I think it’s more important to communicate in the way you’re comfortable with communicating,” Tait says. A reminder that enjoying the dating experience is the key thing here, regardless of whether you send voice notes or not.
Images: Getty
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