‘I couldn’t believe what was happening,’ says Amy Roberts, recalling the aftermath of coming off birth control. ‘I loved my boyfriend, and he was everything I ever wanted. So why didn’t I fancy him anymore?’
Amy, 25, and her partner, Callum, 25, had been together for four years when she stopped using the contraceptive injection.
Up until that point they’d been blissfully happy – ‘I was obsessed with him,’ jokes Amy – but in the months that followed, Amy’s attraction towards Callum waned.
‘I couldn’t tell him because I didn’t want to hurt him’ she says. ‘But there was a time when I didn’t want him to touch me.’
It’s been over six decades since the contraceptive pill was first prescribed to women across the UK – something that changed the landscape of female sexuality and women’s health forever.
Now, it’s still the most popular form of contraception, and with newer alternatives such as the implant, patch and injection now being prescribed, over 1.9 million women in England contacted NHS sexual and reproductive health services for contraceptive reasons from 2020 to 2021.
But although many women have positive experiences using hormonal contraceptives, it’s no secret that, while revolutionary, they’re not perfect.
Reported side effects range from breast tenderness, irregular bleeding, breakouts, nausea, headaches and hair loss to mood swings, reduced sex drives, blood clots, anxiety, and depression.
The pill has even been linked to having an affect on who we’re attracted to.
One study by The Proceedings of the National Academy of Science found that women coming off the pill were more inclined to prioritise attractive, or ‘genetically fit’ partners. Essentially, if their partners were not conventionally attractive, they didn’t fancy them as much once they came off the contraception.
And another study by WHO found that women prefer less masculine faces in potential partners when on the pill.
While these findings aren’t new, they’ve recently peaked the interest of users on TikTok. It’s perhaps no surprise that the platform is most popular with Gen Z, who also happen to be at the forefront of the movement seeking out non-hormonal alternatives.
‘When I was on birth control in high school I was dating someone for a number of years, and as soon as I got off the pill, I was no longer attracted to them at all,’ said content creator, Bella. ‘Once I started talking to my girlfriends about this, I realised the same thing has happened to them.’
Apparently it works the other way, too. ‘I met this guy, didn’t fancy him at all,’ said writer Ceci, appearing in a video for Hushed podcast.
‘Then I went on the pill for a while and suddenly this guy, who I hadn’t fancied at all, was suddenly a God.’
While the anecdotes have caused much hilarity online, for Amy it had a very serious impact on her relationship.
When Amy, from Liverpool, met Callum in 2016 she was using the contraceptive injection, after using various forms of birth control – including the pill and implant – since the age of 13.
‘I first went on the pill because I had terrible period pains and my doctor said it was the only way to manage it,’ she says.
‘From then, I switched from one contraceptive to another, experiencing side effects such as blood clotting, low mood and an ovarian cyst.’
When Amy and Callum met, she says it was ‘love at first sight.’ ‘I think I initially liked him more than he liked me,’ she laughs. ‘He was tall, handsome and made my anxieties disappear. I was so into him.’
The couple’s relationship went from strength to strength, but in 2020, Amy decided to stop using contreception.
‘I didn’t want to deal with the side affects anymore,’ she says, ‘and I’d been on it for so long, I thought it was time to stop.’
But after about six months, Amy says she realised she’d got ‘the ick’.
‘It seemed to happen over night. One minute, I’m planning my future children with Callum, and the next, I didn’t want to touch him. My sex drive was so low and while we still had sex, I was never the one to initiate it.
‘It was awful, because I was so certain Callum was the love of my life, so why did I feel this way? I worried I was falling out of love with him.’
And Callum noticed that something was wrong too. Amy says: ‘He would ask me what was going on, but I made excuses that I was tired or overwhelmed with work.
‘I thought if I just ignored the problem, it wouldn’t affect either of us.
‘It broke my heart to see him putting in extra effort with me. He’d arrange big nights out for us – even though he doesn’t really like them – and he even got a second dog thinking it would improve my mood.’
Eventually, Amy went to the GP with her concerns. ‘I wondered if I might have endometriosis as I’d heard that could affect libido. I was referred for a scan but they found nothing suspicious.
‘They told me I could try the coil and that was about it. I felt like I was going crazy.’
It wasn’t until Amy saw a video on TikTok, that things became clear. She says: ‘I saw a video on post-pill clarity and it was like they were talking about me. It made so much sense.
‘Knowing that this was happening to other women gave me the courage to talk to Callum about what was going on.
‘He was so relieved – he’d been thinking that I didn’t love him anymore.’
It’s thought the changes in perceived attractiveness could be down to a fluctuation in hormones.
Consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist, Ashfaq Khan explains: ‘Studies over the years have delivered conflicting results, but there is a theory that hormonal contraception may lower a woman’s libido – and therefore attraction to her partner – by lowering levels of testosterone in the body.
‘This however, is still up for debate among medical professionals.’
However, Ashfaq says it’s important to talk to your GP about side effects. ‘Don’t simply accept side effects that have a significant and negative effect on your life.
‘Speak to your GP who may change your method of contraception or refer you to a counsellor. Fortunately, there are many other methods of contraception available including the mini pill, IUD, female condoms and diaphragms. ‘
Thankfully, Amy says she and Callum are back on track – and better than ever.
She says: ‘I don’t know if it’s a case of my hormones balancing themselves out, but I feel like my old self again.
‘I’m so glad that Callum stuck by me throughout, and that neither of us made any rash decisions.
‘More women need to be aware of this side effect – it completely changed who I was as a woman, almost cost me my relationship.’
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