DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I suggested that we try a threesome, my girlfriend was terribly suspicious.
She worried that she wasn’t enough for me sexually and that I’d got bored of her.
But after reassuring her I was simply curious and thought it would be an exciting experience for us, she agreed to try it once.
Now I bitterly regret inviting another woman into our bed.
Six months since our first threesome, my girlfriend has now dumped me because she felt “there was so much more out there to experience”. I’m 32 and she is 31.
I was planning to ask her to marry me, but instead I’m helping her move her last suitcases back to her parents.
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I’m gutted and have asked her a few times to reconsider, but she’s adamant she isn’t ready to settle down.
We were both very confident and secure in our relationship so agreed a threesome wouldn’t come between us.
We invited a mutual female friend to join us and I thought it had gone really well.
However, she said I had given the other woman too much attention.
My girlfriend was pretty upset, so I suggested she choose the third partner next time.
To my surprise she said she wanted the same woman but on one condition – that I wasn’t allowed to give her oral sex.
I agreed and again, thought the threesome had gone well. This time my girlfriend did too.
We’ve had a threesome with this mutual friend at least five times now.
I’ve enjoyed it every time and thought we were all starting to get to know each other sexually really well.
Sometimes I would just watch my girlfriend and our friend together, sometimes I’d join in.
But now my girlfriend has started to pull away from me.
And I’ve seen a few messages from our mutual friend to her — nothing incriminating, but their relationship has intensified.
So I’m wondering if the two of them have fallen for each other.
How do I find out if my hunch is right, and if it is, how do I get her back?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry but inviting a third party into your relationship often spells its end.
Being intimate with anyone can bring unexpected emotions and feelings into play.
Your girlfriend may well have developed a connection with your friend as a result of being so sexually intimate with her.
All you can do is ask her if your hunch is right.
But whether she has fallen for your friend or not, because she has said she doesn’t want to continue your relationship there is very little you can do.
My support pack Threesomes will help you learn more about the potential pitfalls and the other things to consider when embarking on an open relationship.
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