I’ve worked with pets for most of my adult life and have been a pet owner since the age of 12.
In that time I have become very accustomed to the use of words like fur-baby or pet-parent.
Until recently, I even used the term pet-parent for my clients, as the word ‘owner’ just didn’t seem right.
However, when considering our role in a pet’s life and their specific needs, I have come to the conclusion that equating a pet with a child isn’t the same as the strong and unique connection we can experience with our furry housemates.
My cat Lewis and I have been together since he was almost two. He’s 16 and a half years old now, and the sunshine of my life. We have a shared vocabulary where his wide variety of meows are answered by me with different hums and tuts and he chooses to sleep in my arms at night.
My clothes are perpetually covered in his white fur, which I wear like a badge of honour.
Since being with me from my early adulthood when I rescued him from an unhealthy home environment, Lewis has been my constant support, during emotional wobbles and international travels.
I would do anything for my little fluffy creature, but I would not call him my fur-baby or equate him to a human child, because if I did that, I would not do his welfare justice.
Just like every pet, Lewis has very specific needs and preferences that I need to cater to in order to keep him happy and healthy. Some of them are in no way similar to the needs of human children.
And he should be respected for what he is: An animal, not a human. It doesn’t mean our bond is any less valid.
Sharing your life with your pet while giving them the care they need, and by using species appropriate language – not seeing them as proxy-children – will improve the lives of all involved.
It will hopefully convince the non-believers that a human-animal bond can be as satisfying and deep in its own way.
I have been working in the pet care industry for over 20 years, ranging from veterinary clinics to home care and walking groups of dogs. I now run a mobile clinic called Autumn Animals that specialises in holistic care for injured, ill, older pets and their families.
One of the services we provide is regular pet grief group sessions where people share their stories of loss – often they feel they can’t share this with their friends, families, or colleagues.
Through the years, I’ve heard hundreds of stories of the human-animal bond, the loss that comes with it and the feeling of not being understood by others. Often, people are being made to feel like they need to validate the depth of their relationship with their pet towards others by saying their pet is like their child.
But while our relationships with our pets are incredibly loving and fulfilling, they are different to those of a parent and child.
Firstly, we typically expect our children to survive us. But when we buy or rescue a pet, we know we’ve just taken someone in who is going to pass away within the next 10 to 20 years.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love all animals and choose to spend all my waking hours (and even non-waking hours) close to them. I fully believe animals should have basic animal rights.
But animal rights are not the same as human rights. Treating pets like human children actually interferes with their animal rights.
Animal rights are about non-human animals being free of pain and suffering and being able to show their natural behaviour. Sticking to the pet context, this can mean a cat being able to stretch their body by using a surface to scratch their nails on or to show predatory behaviour.
For a dog, it can mean to be able to mark their territory and to have positive interactions with other dogs.
Often these are things we humans find unsavoury. On a daily basis, I hear people calling their dog ‘naughty’ for lunging at something on wheels or pulling them over to another dog to say hello. Or calling a cat ‘spiteful’ for scratching new furniture.
When we do this, we’re anthropomorphising them – attributing human qualities to our pets’ behaviour. From an animal behaviour point of view, this can be quite damaging, especially when we start yelling at them that they’re in trouble.
The animal doesn’t understand what their guardian is saying or even what they did wrong. They were just showing instinctual behaviour. This kind of unpredictable punishment can cause increased anxiety and break the trust between pet and guardian.
Animals don’t show chronic pain in the same way humans do – they don’t cry out. They get quiet or pretend nothing is wrong, or become hyperactive, more fidgety or in some cases even aggressive.
So, we should investigate whether they are showing the behaviour because they might not have an appropriate outlet for it, are feeling bored or are frightened or in pain.
Ensuring a good quality-of-life for pets and their families, especially during the autumn of their pet’s life is done by respecting an animal’s innate characteristics, their species’ physical, emotional, and social needs while keeping their dignity in mind.
I agree that our pets are difficult to replace. I don’t agree that they are ours to own because we share our homes and lives with them, even though they depend on us.
When we call our pets fur-babies, we lose sight of who they really are, and it impacts their welfare.
What I would love to see is a world where pet-guardian and child-parent relationships do not have to compete for which one is the most satisfying or valuable. It would be great to live in a world where people not only ask how their friend’s child is doing, but also where they inquire after the wellbeing of their pets.
And where people keep on checking in with each other after losing a pet, because that loss can feel as raw as any other loss.
Pet-guardian relationships may be different from child-parent relationships, but they are not worth less. So, for the sake of both our pets and ourselves, let’s call our pets by their species’ name, be their guardians and accommodate their needs. We’ll all be happier for it.
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