‘This isn’t working.’
That’s what I thought after yet another heated argument with my partner.
But I didn’t end things. Instead, I told myself I had to make it work and stayed in the very unhappy relationship for almost another year before he eventually left me.
For months, it was becoming more and more unsustainable. It was quite clear we weren’t compatible – we weren’t having fun and it just wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted to be in.
So why did I stay, you ask?
Frankly, I didn’t know how I’d cope financially living on my own. And it’s time we recognised just how brutal the cost-of-living crisis can be for single people.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t rely on my ex-partner financially. But we did split the cost of rent and bills on our rented three-bed in Tunbridge Wells – one of the most expensive areas in the country.
Before I met him in 2021, I owned a house with my brother.
When we both got into relationships, we decided to sell up when our fixed mortgage ended in April 2022.
This meant I moved in with my ex after only being together for six months. It was pretty quick, but at the time, the relationship was good and it felt right.
We weren’t ready to buy, so we decided to rent and signed a 12-month lease in Tunbridge Wells, where we both already lived.
It was more than I was paying on my mortgage, more than he’d been paying on rent previously, but we were excited to start a new chapter together.
We weren’t actively seeking a three-bed, but we needed somewhere that was willing to accept my dog and had outside space, plus my partner needed to be close to work and this was the only one that ticked all the boxes.
Luckily for my brother, things have worked out with his partner.
But for me, our relationship went south when we moved in together. The dynamic completely changed; household chores caused friction, we no longer went on dates and frequently got into heated arguments.
I ended up stuck in a situation that didn’t make me happy because it felt too unbearable to end things and try to live by myself.
Even when our 12-month lease ended in April, I still wanted to stay and make it work, still worried about the higher costs associated with living alone.
According to Hargreaves Lansdown, the cost of being single is £860 a month – which covers the fact you have to pay housing costs alone, as well as rising energy bills and food prices. Let’s face it, no-one has that kind of spare money in the current financial climate, so I resolved to stay and improve things.
This didn’t work.
It seemed, the more I tried, the worse the relationship got. And a month after our lease ended, he ended things with me.
Rather than mourning the loss of those 18 months spent with my ex, my first thought was: ‘How on earth am I going to be able to afford to live alone?’
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I have a dog, so a house share – generally not pet-friendly – was simply not possible for me. Also, I didn’t particularly want to live with flatmates in my thirties. I like my own space and freedom.
Luckily, thanks to the sale of my house last year, I have a healthy pot of savings. My plan was not to touch it and use it to buy another house one day, but it turned out to be my only option.
I decided to pay six months’ rent upfront on the place I shared with my ex.
I’d been told by the estate agents that if I didn’t pay upfront and wanted to go down the route of affordability referencing – the criteria is usually that your salary needs to be 2.5 times the annual rent to ensure you’re able to cover the monthly payments – to pay my rent monthly on my own, I wouldn’t qualify.
To pass affordability on a £1,400 a month property – which is what my rent is – you need to be on a £42,000 a year salary. I’m £2,000 short.
So, I reluctantly coughed up the best part of £9,000 for six months’ rent. And let’s not forget that it isn’t just rent I’m now forking out for alone. Anything that’s needed for the house, such as cleaning products, I’m paying for.
Now, 100% of the household bills are my responsibility, and anything the dog needs, I pay for.
Unfortunately, it does mean that I’ve had to tighten my belt and not go out with friends as much as I’d like. If I want to do something expensive, like go on holiday, it would have to come out of my savings as I’ve no disposable income.
I have no idea what I’m going to do in six months’ time when my lease ends here. While I love the property, I don’t particularly want to stay long-term. It’s too expensive and has memories of being the place I chose with my ex.
But with the rental market the way it is, I’ll struggle to find somewhere dog-friendly within my budget. My wage alone means that buying a house is impossible, especially with the cost of properties at the moment.
I’m glad the relationship ended, it was the right thing to do – I know I stayed for the wrong reasons. But I have no idea how I’m going to navigate my living situation on a single income going forwards.
I feel very fortunate to have my savings, though. I have comfort in knowing that if I need to, I can use it to pay upfront rent again to avoid affordability tests. I’ve had to accept that this means I may never own a house in the future as it will eat into my deposit.
Honestly, I don’t know how single people are expected to live. It’s an underreported scandal, and one we need to address.
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