Eimear O'Hagan felt an immediate connection toLove Island starMolly-Mae Hague when she saw the ex Islander open up about not feeling mum guilt in a new YouTube video. Afterwelcoming her daughter Bambi into the world earlier this year, the TV personality has been praised by fans for admitting to feeling “proud” to go to work while her little one is at home.
This is something that 41 year old Eimear can relate to. Here, the writer describes why her enthusiasm to return back to work following the birth of her two sons, Ruadhan, eight and Donnacha, five, doesn’t make her a bad mum…
“Sitting at my desk, I sipped my cup of coffee, read my emails and sighed with contentment.
It was my first week back at work after having my first child, and it felt great to be ‘work me’ again, using my brain and writing skills, chatting on the phone with colleagues and knowing I was bringing in an income after six months on paltry statutory maternity pay.
Did I feel guilty? Absolutely not. Why would I?
After giving birth in May 2015, I’d devoted myself day and night to my son, giving him every scrap of my energy and attention. I’d breastfed on demand, taken him to baby massage classes, sang and read to him, pureed avocado and wiped it off the walls when he chucked it at them, and played for hours as he became more active and aware.
I’d loved absolutely every moment of it. But did I want that to be the entirety of my life, 24/7, until he started school in five years time? Definitely not.
Clearly, neither does Love Island star Molly-Mae Haguewho returned to work three months after having her first baby Bambi, who was born in January this year. She’s recently admitted she feels guilty about not experiencing ‘mum guilt’ about her decision, and I’m here to tell Molly-Mae to park that guilt immediately.
She’s absolutely right to feel proud about becoming a working mother, as I did too, and should feel at ease with the decision she’s made.
I know for some women full time motherhood is the dream, and that’s their dream to have. You do you and all that. But it was never mine and I’d known from the moment I found out I was pregnant that I would return to work after having my baby.
I both needed to continue working for financial reasons, and I also wanted to. I like my job, I like earning my own income both to support my family and treat myself without having to ask my husband for money, and I like having a professional identity separate to who I am as a mother.
While Molly-Mae,who’s worth a reported £6 million, could afford to stay at home, there’s nothing wrong with the fact she wants to reclaim that part of her life. It doesn’t make her any less of a loving, devoted mum.
When Ruadhan was six months old, after lots of research and visits to various private nurseries, I handed him over to the staff at one five minutes from our house and I switched my Out of Office off.
It simply never crossed my mind to feel guilty or worry about the fact I didn’t feel guilty.
I knew Ruadhan was being beautifully cared for, by trained professionals who probably knew more about looking after kids than I did! He was being stimulated, forming little friendships as he grew older, and because he’d gone as a baby, he was far more accepting of being in a new environment, away from me, than an older child would have been.
While he thrived at nursery, I earned an income and enjoyed the physical rest of just sitting at a desk after months of pram walks and walking the floors to get him to sleep or his wind up. It felt good to be working again and I felt proud of myself for juggling a career with a young child, it’s not easy.
Driving to collect him every afternoon I’d feel so excited, I couldn’t wait to hold him in my arms and be ‘Mum’ again, because I’d had a break from it and appreciated it all the more as a result.
Not everyone shared my enthusiasm for my decision though. Some of the new mum friends I’d made while pregnant, and on the baby class circuit, were shocked I’d gone back to work ‘so early’ and assumed I must feel wracked with worry and guilt about leaving Ruadhan. They were even more shocked when I admitted I didn’t feel that way at all. I didn’t care what they thought, I knew it was right for me and Ruadhan and that was all that mattered.
When my second son Donnacha was born in 2017, I did exactly the same again, returning to work when he was around seven months old and putting him in the same nursery as Ruadhan.
Today, they are eight and five and happy, sociable and confident little boys, which I definitely think is partly down to the fact they went to nursery young. And I am a better mum for having maintained my career during those years before school.
Women are conditioned to find things to feel bad about once they have children, but if being a working mum is the right decision for Molly-Mae and her family, as it was for me and mine, she should embrace it.
Not feeling guilty about it doesn’t make her a bad mum.”
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