Liberty X superstar Michelle Heaton recently celebrated 14 months of being both alcohol and drug free, but the last 10 years having been anything but plain sailing for the singer.
Following two major cancer prevention procedures – a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy – ten years ago, Michelle's body was forced into a premature surgical menopause at just 34 years of age. The Geordie singer then plummeted into a spiral of depression, turning to both alcohol and drugs to ease the pain. This situation also had a huge impact of her marriage to husband Hugh Hanley and on their children Faith, 10, and AJ, eight.
Now, a year later, Michelle reflects on her journey to recovery and details the gritty impact that early menopause had upon her relationship.
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"The person Hugh married was changing, and he just had to watch," Michelle recalls in our exclusive chat. "And my children should never have had to go through what they did."
In April last year, Michelle made the brave decision to check in to the Priory rehabilitation clinic in a final bid to save herself.
"I feel so grateful that I was able to receive help before it was too late, because there’s a lot of people who don’t," she tells us. "I feel so alive – I want to be alive!"
Here, Michelle discusses her whirlwind road to recovery, explains why she’ll never take life for granted again, and tells us how it feels to be back on stage performing alongside Liberty X ladies Jessica Taylor and Kelli Young…
You recently celebrated one year of sobriety. How does it feel to have reached this milestone?
If anybody had told me 14 months ago that I would be living a life without alcohol and cocaine, I would never have believed them. I feel so alive – I want to be alive! I feel so grateful that I was able to receive help before it was too late. because there are a lot of people who don’t.
I’ve been told in recent months that speaking out and being honest about everything I went through has helped others seek help – either for themselves or their loved ones. I get quite emotional when I think about it like that.
Do you still suffer with any moments of doubt or temptation?
Like everything in life, sometimes s**t just hits the fan. It’s often the little everyday things that can really get to me – my kids being ill, having to get my boobs redone, job worries. Not being able to rely on drink any more to alleviate these stressors can be really difficult.
If I’m ever doubting myself, the first thing I do now is remind myself of how far along In my 12-step programme I’ve already come, and I reach out. That’s the most difficult but most vital step.
Having had time to reflect on your addiction, do you have any idea what sparked it?
Good question. My husband and friends close to me think that there definitely was some kind of internal switch when I hit the menopause in my mid-30s. I was always a heavy drinker, I loved to party and was absolutely the life and soul of every event, but at some point in the last five to eight years I became completely dependent on alcohol and cocaine.
I can’t say for sure whether menopause and addiction are related because I can’t pinpoint the exact time that I became “an addict”.
You’ve spoken about having become reliant on testosterone injections while going through the menopause. Do you think there could be a correlation there?
I’ve considered that as a very real possibility. When going through menopause, I found my libido was massively lacking and I had no energy left to do anything. I had no “oomph”. So my GP recommended testosterone with my oestrogen and, yes, it might have given me a couple more hairs on my chin, but it completely changed my life.
The injections were easy to become reliant on because of how amazing they made me feel, which I suppose is the same reason I relied on alcohol and drugs later on. They helped me cope.
Can you tell us about your personal struggle with having to unexpectedly go through the menopause at an early age?
Around 10 years ago, I’d discovered I had an 85% risk of breast cancer, and a 40% risk of ovarian cancer. With the latter being considered a silent killer because it is difficult to detect, and given the age at which my grandmother and her mother developed ovarian cancer, we made the decision as a family that I should have a total hysterectomy. This then put me into early menopause.
Did you have a good support system around you?
I found it extremely difficult to open up on how I was feeling going through early menopause. At this point, it still wasn’t a topic that people spoke about casually, despite the fact that every woman goes through it. As a stubborn woman from the North East, I was reluctant to ask for help, so I just trudged along in misery.
I turned to Hugh, but he often struggled navigating his way through it as well. The person that he married was changing, and he just had to watch. The brain fog stopped me from being the vibrant, active wife he had prior to the operation.
How is your relationship with Hugh now?
Through everything that happened to me, Hugh was as lost as I was. He gave up hope because he couldn’t get his head around it. It’s only been in the last year or so, after finally being able to understand how to move on as a family, that we’ve felt like our old selves again.
We’ve always had a roller-coaster relationship. When we first met, in a very short space of time I flew all the way over to Ireland to live with him, then through the marriage, careers, kids, menopause, drinking, we’ve had our highs and lows, but he’s absolutely always been my rock. We can only go up from here.
Your little ones are growing up fast. How are they doing?
Faith is currently in the middle of sitting her exams for secondary school, which she’ll be starting in September. It’s nerve-wracking, but I’m so proud of everything she’s achieved so far. She really is my best friend – even if that means I let her get away with murder – but she’s also my biggest supporter. So is AJ.
As children, they should never have had to go through what they did. But they’ve both been amazing. We’re all each other’s biggest fans.
And you’re still performing with the other Liberty X ladies. How is that going?
The first time I walked out on stage last year after leaving the Priory was such a terrifying experience. Even when we first started performing as a band in our early days, we had a couple of drinks at every gig. We all partied and we all drank – it gave us confidence. So I was a bit apprehensive about how I’d feel singing and dancing without having had a couple of drinks down me.
But I ended up having the time of my life during our first live show. Every single performance since then has got easier and easier, and the girls, Jessica and Kelli, are both two of my biggest supporters.
Do you still find time to catch up with the Liberty X boys? What are they up to now?
I don’t see the boys as much as I’d like to, sadly! But we do check in from time to time. I catch up with Kevin [Simm] the most, he’s currently absolutely smashing it as the new lead singer of Wet Wet Wet, so he’s super busy.
And Tony [Lundon] is really high up in the new digital company he works for. I’d love it if we all had a group chat to catch up, but the love is still there.
You’ve also been named ambassador of clothing line Fifty One Apparel. What made you want to get involved with the brand?
Having gone through my own battle with early onset menopause, I know first hand what it’s like to suffer things like overheating and uncomfortable sweating. In 2018, I caught wind that a new clothing range, aimed at helping women dealing with these symptoms to continue to live, exercise, relax and sleep comfortably, was being created. I became an ambassador of Fifty One Apparel almost immediately.
But just as we started taking off, all of a sudden Covid hit. Every area of the business came to a halt, but now, we’re back and better than ever. The fabric of each piece locks in moisture and helps our bodies breathe, and the attention to detail in each and every item makes the range really relevant to current fashion trends.
Michelle Heaton is an ambassador for www.fiftyoneapparel.com – cool clothes for hot women! @fiftyone_apparel.
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