It’s not unusual for parents to contribute to their child’s wedding – but you don’t often hear about it happening the other way around.
After her mum got engaged, one daughter was more than a little shocked when she received a text from her mum, asking when she was going to contribute to her wedding fund.
Writing on Reddit, the woman explained that her mum, 56, is engaged to a man (‘Joseph’), 59, who isn’t her father.
While Joseph is a ‘fairly nice guy,’ the woman said they differ in opinion on things like politics, behaviours and appropriate boundaries – namely that Joseph likes to joke that his stepdaughter-to-be is a ‘gold digger’ because her husband now earns more than her.
She said that while her mum and Joseph have been saving for the wedding, Joseph hasn’t been saving much because he says (and she quotes) ‘weddings are just something to make your wife happy and no husband actually likes them’.
‘I’m not sure how my mom hasn’t seen this as a red flag,’ she quipped.
Now, four months into the engagement, the woman’s mum asked her to help pay for the wedding.
‘Hi Sweetie! You know the weddings are coming up and I was wondering when you were gonna help pay for it?’ she wrote in a text message.
‘I was shocked because she didn’t even help pay for me and my husband’s wedding, my dad paid for his part and her part,’ the woman wrote in the post.
‘Also in my opinion I don’t think your kid should help pay for your wedding even if they are grown.’
She told her mum that she hadn’t been told she had to help pay, but that she could buy her cake or contribute in some other way.
Her mum didn’t take it well.
‘[She] called me sobbing saying how she has done everything for me and how I won’t even help her pay for the best day of her life,’ the post continued.
‘Sure if it was a smaller wedding I might have been able to pay for some of it, but this is a 50k+ wedding.
‘She’s expecting me to pay over 15k [approximately £11,000].
‘I didn’t want to hear anymore of her sobbing so I hung up. I’m not sure how to feel, on one hand she’s my mom, on the other she’s expecting me to pay for a wedding for her and someone that doesn’t respect my boundaries and didn’t even help pay for mine.’
She ended the post by asking whether or not she was in the wrong.
Commenters sided with the woman, saying that her mum was being unreasonable.
‘It’s not a child’s responsibility to pay for the parent’s wedding,’ wrote one person.
‘This day in age, it shouldn’t be anyone’s responsibility to pay for a wedding except the bride and groom. Their marriage, their party, their bill.
‘If people are generous enough to help, that’s great. Never expect or ask of someone though.’
Another said: ‘Tell her you will generously contribute exactly the amount she contributed to your wedding.’
Another person said: ‘Your mother dumping her expectation of you paying for her wedding on you is wrong a million times over.
‘Plus she waited until the last minute to inform you, not ask. The $15,000 she wants is a lot of money.’
Putting it simply, another person said: ‘No, don’t pay. This is a ridiculous ask.’
We concur.
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