DEAR DEIDRE: I WISH I’d never asked my boyfriend to tell me his sexual desires.
One night when we were getting intimate I asked him if he had any fantasies.
He hesitated before telling me I wouldn’t like it.
I thought it would be something adventurous like having sex outdoors or perhaps using food, so I insisted he spill the beans.
Reluctantly he said: “Well, I’d really like sex with your sister.”
There it was, the most devastating sentence I’ve ever heard.
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I am 24 and my boyfriend is 25. We have been together for eight months and I thought we had a great relationship.
I was stunned into silence which seemed to make him nervous and he then couldn’t stop talking.
He explained he finds my sister attractive and even wondered out loud if she would be up for it.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Eventually, I told him that if he ever slept with my sister, we would be over.
I didn’t think my sister had any idea about this.
But then my boyfriend suggested he’d passed up opportunities to sleep with her in the past.
I decided to call my sister and she admitted he had proposed the idea once but she turned him down straight away, appalled by the idea.
My sister assures me she would never sleep with him but how can I trust him now? I feel second best.
Am I overreacting? I don’t know what to think or how to handle this.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It is not uncommon for men to be attracted to their partner’s sister as she will share similar traits.
We are all human, and even though you’re a couple in a relationship, we can still find other people attractive.
But when you are in a monogamous relationship it’s important you don’t act on these feelings.
Unfortunately, this isn’t a case of harmless fantasising.
He propositioned your sister which shows he was prepared to be unfaithful and has little respect for your relationship, or the relationship you have with your sister.
When you don’t trust your boyfriend all you will do is worry. You already feel as though you are not enough for him.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to compete with other women – never mind your own sister – in a healthy relationship.
Unless he shows genuine remorse and proves you can trust him, I would ask yourself if you see a future with this man.
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