‘Did you get home safe?’ is a phrase that all women know well.
But for my friendship group, that reassurance and sense of security now comes in the form of an iPhone app, ‘Find My’, in order to know where we all are at all times.
After countless frightening events – both personal and those in the news – to us, it’s crucial to our safety.
This isn’t necessarily what the app is designed for, with most people using it to keep track of their Apple devices, such as AirPods or a MacBook – but my friends and I use it as a way to touch base with each other, and record our movements.
That way, if a friend is in danger, we know exactly where they are – and can give their location to the police, if we need to.
The process to add a friend for this function is simple. You add one of your contacts, and select how long you want to share your location for – ‘one hour’, ‘until the end of the day’ or ‘indefinitely.’ They can then choose to share their location, too.
Even after your phone battery dies, or if your device is switched off against your will, it still shares its location to its followers for up to 24 hours.
‘Find My’ became a part of my life last year, when my friend India and I were having one of our many chats about women’s safety – or more specifically, the lack of.
So often we would casually mention things that had made us feel uncomfortable, and she suggested using the app.
We knew how wrong it was to be so accustomed to feeling unsafe, and by using the app it finally felt like there was some kind of remedy. We added each other, told the rest of our friends about it, and we haven’t looked back since.
At 27, I’ve been in many horrible situations with both men I trusted, and strangers. Too many times have I started a journey that has led to me feeling unsure of how it’s going to end.
While the onus shouldn’t be on women to change our behaviour, many of us are programmed to do anything we can in order to make ourselves feel safer. Otherwise, who will?
I can say first-hand that as a woman, travelling alone – especially at night – is terrifying. Whether by foot, public transport or taxi, I have been made to feel painfully aware of the constant risks we face.
I take well-lit routes home, rather than the quicker options via darker streets. I don’t wear my favourite noise-cancelling headphones. I zip my coat all the way up to conceal my body. I pretend to call my Dad and say: ‘I’m nearly at the car now’, when I feel a presence behind me.
Of course, in some cases, none of this would be enough. That’s the stark reality, made clear by the heartbreaking deaths of women like Zara Aleena, Sabina Nessa and Sarah Everard.
My friends having access to my live location at all times helps settle my mind, and vice versa.
Last winter, it came to my aid when I opted to order a taxi home from work. In my mind, I thought it would be the safer option, rather than walking alone in the dark.
I was exhausted, so I took to scrolling on my phone rather than chatting. When I looked up after a couple of minutes I noticed we were driving down narrow, one-way streets. I didn’t know where we were, and my male driver’s navigation app was having a meltdown because we weren’t taking the recommended route. I went cold.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked the driver, who made eye contact through his mirror. ‘Don’t worry’, he said. ‘The usual roads are closed.’
Instinctively, I messaged the group chat I shared with my friends. ‘Something doesn’t feel right,’ I said. ‘Follow my location.’
Swallowing my fear, I asked my driver again: ‘Why aren’t we following the sat nav?’ at which point he began to get irate, and told me he knew what he was doing.
Suddenly, he started driving faster. We were on the motorway, going the wrong way. ‘I’m taking you to the airport’, he said. The airport was nowhere near home. I pleaded with him to please just follow the navigation – and by this time he was ignoring me, still driving fast and I was holding back tears.
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What were my options? Scream? Throw myself out of a moving vehicle? I had 2% battery on my phone – but knew my friends could still find me if it died. I took my chance to call one of my friends, putting her on loudspeaker.
‘You have my location, yeah?’ I shouted. ‘He’s insisting on taking me to the airport, meet me there. I don’t feel safe.’ She was shouting back: ‘What’s going on? Shall I call the police?’
The mention of a live location and the police led him to slow down and reassure me that he has a daughter about my age, that I was safe.
By the time I was near home, a £10 trip had turned into £50. When I reached my door, the driver had refunded my journey. I lodged a complaint – but never heard back.
I will never know what his intentions were that night. I only know how I felt, and the way it seemed to be unfolding in a terrifying way. The only power I had was that my friends could see exactly where I was – and I made that clear. It just might have saved me.
Only a couple of weeks later, another taxi driver said to my friend as she got a lift home after a couple of drinks: ‘Wanna continue the party? I can come up to your flat.’
She laughed it off, but didn’t find it funny. ‘Got such a weird taxi driver guys – offering to come into mine. I’ll text you when I’m in’, she wrote to our chat as we banded together to reassure ‘don’t worry – we can see you. Text if you need anything.’ She managed to get home alone – something that felt like a luxury but should be a given.
Soon after that, another of our group was followed out of a bar by a man who only stopped after she was greeted by somebody she knew. One felt uneasy on a date and asked us to keep an eye on her location until she was back in the centre of town.
I myself have been flashed on public transport, my heart pounding as I got off at a station I didn’t know well. The only thing that reassured me was knowing my friends would be there to meet me at the exit.
‘I’ve got your location’, my friends and I say to each other in times of uncertainty. ‘I can meet you there.’
And after a night out, when our journeys end, we all check to make sure all of the icons are where they’re meant to be: at home.
In this day and age, many women don’t believe that the police will protect us. So we are taking it upon ourselves to be each other’s safety – as much as we can.
Having to rely on an app to feel a semblance of safety is heartbreaking and something we wish we didn’t have to do.
We sit together and talk about the things we’d do if we didn’t feel the looming threat of danger surrounding us – and it’s always about being able to enjoy our lives, alone, after dark. Sadly, it’s something we don’t see becoming a reality.
‘Share indefinitely’, the location settings of my friend group reads. It’s awful that I can’t imagine a time where I won’t rely on this function for my own personal safety – but having it is a bit of tech I can’t afford to live without.
The Tech I Can’t Live Without
Welcome to The Tech I Can’t Live Without, Metro.co.uk’s new weekly series where readers share the bit of kit that has proved indispensable for them.
From gadgets to software, apps to websites, you’ll read about all manner of innovations that people truly rely on.If you have a bit of tech you can’t live without, email [email protected] to take part in the series
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