DEAR DEIDRE: HOW can my girlfriend just give it away to some stranger, cheating on me, when she never wants sex with me?
I don’t understand how she could do this with someone who means nothing, when she is always telling me she loves me but has a low sex drive.
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I’m 30 and she’s 31. We’ve been together for seven years, have a good relationship and never argue.
But sex — or the lack of it — has always been an issue. I’ve got a high sex drive. We probably have sex once a month or even less.
I’ve tried to be patient and to compromise, never pressuring her, even though I’ve felt frustrated and neglected.
Last weekend, she went away with some friends. When she got home, she told me she’d got very drunk and had sex with a guy she met at a party.
She said that as she’s a good person, she wanted to be honest with me and not keep secrets. Apparently, she couldn’t cope with the guilt.
She apologised and said it meant nothing and wouldn’t happen again. I agreed to forgive her because I love her. However, I just can’t stop thinking about it.
I keep imagining her naked with another man.
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It’s not simply the betrayal, it’s the fact that she wanted sex with someone else when she so often rejects me. the guy she claims to love.
I don’t want to break up with her. Before this happened I was thinking of proposing, but I don’t know how to get past this.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend may believe she’s a good person but her actions suggest she isn’t ready for a committed relationship, repeatedly putting her needs before yours, or those of the relationship.
She cheated on you then unburdened herself of her guilty secret to save her own conscience.
But you are deeply hurt and confused. And she just expects you to forgive and forget.
I know you love her, but this isn’t an equal relationship. You’re doing all the compromising and understanding.
Before you even consider marriage, you need to talk to her and see if you can improve your relationship.
She needs to be honest about why she cheated and why she doesn’t want sex with you.
READ MORE DEIDRE
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Dave admits he really likes Jas after she goes on date with colleague
Perhaps she feels under pressure, or isn’t happy about something.
I think some relationship counselling could help you. You can find support through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
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