My mother wants to CHARGE me to look after her own grandchild full-time – I want her to do it for free, but people say I’m ‘entitled’
- Woman from LA has to go back to work full-time because she’s in debt
- READ MORE: Friend invited me round for dinner and then charged me
A disgruntled woman has been left deeply unimpressed after her mother refused to take care of her baby when she went back to work.
Taking to Reddit, the woman from LA, explained that her mother, 64, hasn’t worked since having her own children and has plenty of free time to watch her grandchild.
But she initially rejected her daughter’s request for childcare and said that if she really wants a ‘traditional’ family, she should think about following her example as a stay-at-home mother.
When the woman explained that she’s in debt and can’t afford not to work, her mother said that she would consider childcare if she’s paid $20 an hour, plus late fees, and as long as the baby is dropped off at her house with all the necessary equipment.
The daughter was left outraged, saying her mother does nothing but cook and watch TV all day, but wasn’t met with much sympathy from commenters.
Taking to Reddit , the woman from LA, explained that her mother, 64, has refused to look after her grandchild for free (stock image)
People branded her ‘entitled’ for expecting free childcare from her mother and not valuing her time, while others who were slightly more sympathetic said it was fine to ask her mother the question but that there should be no expectation on the older woman.
Outlining the situation, the daughter said she’s asked her mother, who hasn’t been part of the workforce since 1992, to take care of her child when she returns to work.
‘She refused, saying she’s too old and that she already raised her kids,’ the woman explained.
‘She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a “traditional” family, and that if she any my dad were able to work it out, so can we.’
Taking to Reddit , the woman from LA, explained that her mother, 64, hasn’t worked since having her own children and has lot’s of spare time, so she can’t understand why she won’t take care of her grandchild for free
However, this is not an option due to the daughter’s financial situation.
‘I make $55000 a year, but have $39,000 in student loans and $20,000 in other debt (credit card, car loan, medical debt on credit).
‘My partner makes about $36,000, and has $5,000 in credit card debt.’
She said she has the obligation to go back to work as the higher earner to keep the family afloat.
‘We are currently in a small, 1 bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area, and would need to save money to move to a two bedroom once the baby grows up in a couple of years as we will need more space,’ she explained.
However, her mother was not sympathetic and said that if she’s going to take care of the baby, she wants to be paid.
Commenters sided with the grandmother and branded the daughter ‘entitled’ for not valuing her mother’s time and appreciating that looking after a small child in your 60s is tiring
‘She will charge me $20/hr for each hour she takes care of the baby, plus late fees if we are late for pickup, and must provide her with a carseat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house.
‘She will not step foot in my house for her own personal reasons (she’s come in once, and I’ve lived with my partner for 5 years; she’s a 15min drive away).’
She continued: ‘I want to save money to bring down our debt, and don’t want to pay her as much nor invest as much in double of everything as it will spiral into more debt for me and my partner.
So, am I the a****** for wanting my mom, who again is at home all day long (trust me, she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals), to take care of my baby for free while me and my partner try to fix our finances?’
Some said there was no problem asking her mother for help, but that there should be no expectation on her to say yes
Commenters didn’t have much sympathy for the new mother and said her expectations are unfair.
‘Totally entitled attitude. Grandma raised her kids and does not owe it to daughter to raise hers,’ one wrote.
Others said they could understand why a woman in her 60s isn’t keen to take care of a young baby full time.
‘It’s also just extremely hard to take care of young, energetic kids at that age,’ one said. ‘My mother is younger and is just constantly exhausted after watching her grand babies, and she doesn’t do it full time.
‘She has fibro and arthritis so it’s not at all the same as doing it when she was in her 20s with her own kids.’
Another said that their own mother loves looking after her grandson who was conceived after years of fertility struggles.
‘She LOVES being around him,’ they wrote. ‘But retired or not, she has things she likes to do. She would definitely put her foot down if they expected her to watch him five days a week every week for free.’
Others said that the couple should have sorted out their finances before starting a family if they’re struggling with debt.
‘Husband needs to work until he pays off his credit card debt,’ one argued. ‘Which honestly should have been taken care of long before they decided to have a kid, moreso than any other debt or expense in their names.’
‘She is mired in debt, and they both have moderate to low paying jobs,’ another chimed in. ‘That said, it is ridiculous to expect mom to give away her time to raising a baby. She has already said no.’
Another woman who has chosen not to have children gave a ‘blunt’ assessment, saying: ‘When I was younger I always said if I can’t raise a child through to college, I have no business having one. Now I just don’t want to bring anyone into this mostly terrible word.
‘The original poster should have really thought about all of those issues before getting pregnant. There are so many options for birth control, it’s very irresponsible to not utilize them.’
Others were slightly more sympathetic and said that there was nothing wrong with asking her mother for help, but added that her reaction was at fault.
‘You are not the a*****e for asking,’ one wrote. ‘You are the a*****e for your reaction to her saying no!
‘It’s no one’s but you and husbands responsibility to look after this child, you can’t just volunteer your mother because you feel she does nothing so therefore she can look after your child for free for 8+ hours a day 5 days a week.
‘You and husband will have to sit down look at your finances and figure out a way to make ends meet. Maybe moving to a less metropolitan area might help save some $$.’
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