DEAR JANE: My wife and I have been struggling for money for YEARS – I just discovered she’s been hiding a secret trust fund worth $450,000

• In her latest agony aunt column, best-selling author Jane Green shares some advice with a man whose marriage has been rocked by his wife’s secret fortune
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Dear Jane,

My wife and I have always lived a somewhat humble life; I work for a non-profit and she’s a teacher, so our combined income isn’t really enough to allow us to live the high life. 

There have been some challenges along the way – moments where we really thought we weren’t going to make rent, times when we lived off cans of soup or Kraft mac and cheese, and a lot of nights in because we couldn’t afford to go out to nice bars with friends.

Through everything, we’ve been a unit. We’ve definitely had our moments, but we’ve also supported each other really well, I think, in those hard times.

I’ve gone to my parents a couple of times for help when things have been really bad, and even though they don’t have a huge amount of money, they’ve been kind enough to help whenever they can.

But I’m sick and tired of living paycheck to paycheck, so I’ve been looking for other jobs. I love my current role, but I feel it’s time for me to do something that will allow me to give my wife and our future family the life they deserve.

Dear Jane, I discovered that my wife has been hiding her trust fund from me for years – even as we’ve been struggling to make ends meet 

So imagine my shock when I was opening mail the other day and stumbled across some paperwork that revealed my wife has been sitting on a trust fund worth more than $450,000. 

My eyes nearly fell out of my head. She never said anything to me. I knew that she’d had a really bad relationship with her parents growing up – so much so that she hadn’t spoken to either of them in years when they passed away – but how on Earth has she been hiding this from me?

I’m so angry and upset with her. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s her job to provide for the two of us – but there have been times when this money could have quite literally saved us from homelessness. 

And she’s never said anything about it. I’ve been desperately looking for a new job, and still, she’s been silent.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

I know I need to talk to her about it, but I truly have no idea where to start. Deep down, I hope there’s a good reason she’s been hiding this money – but then so many other possibilities run through my head, and I get so frustrated that I can’t even look at her.

She knows something is up – it’s been days now – but I haven’t been able to bring myself to start that conversation because I just don’t know where to begin.

Any ideas?

From,

Distrust Fund

Dear Distrust Fund,

Money can be the source of so much discontent, as you are now discovering, and I can only imagine how you must be feeling given how you have had to ask your parents for help, and have been recently looking for other jobs to supplement your income.

I don’t know why your wife has been keeping this trust fund a secret, but she does. 

There could be any number of reasons why she has chosen not to share this information (and this money) with you. 

But until you tell her that you know, and reveal how you feel about all the things you have done to keep the two of you afloat when she could have helped, you will not be able to guess, nor get over your frustration.

It is always lack of communication that gets in the way of an otherwise good relationship. 

In this case, you can begin by telling her that you discovered the trust fund, and that you feel betrayed/ignored/alienated (please insert whatever adjectives work best to describe how you are feeling) at her not sharing this information with you.

Whatever her reason for withholding, ask her to be honest with you. 

Transparency is the only way the two of you can move forward, and whatever transgressions either of you might have made, an open conversation in which you can both hear the other, is the way through this difficult conversation.

I wish you well.

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