NADINE DORRIES: So am I on the wrong side in the Fake v Fir Christmas tree debate?

This year I won the Fake vs Fir battle of the Christmas trees – although my victory certainly required a degree of stealth.

I blame my late husband for this annual battle of wills. When the girls were younger, he transformed into a George Bailey-like character from It’s A Wonderful Life. Nothing could daunt his Christmas cheer.

He’d bundle them into our Volvo estate to go to buy the biggest tree we could fit into the house.

They loved it because it was always a performance: searching for the perfect specimen, heaving it to the car and then up onto the roof rack for the drive home. They still talk about the time that it slid off before they’d even left the car park.

Dressing the tree was – and is – a big event, too, with an open fire, mulled wine and Christmas music blasting out of the speakers. It ends up so overladen that, amid squeals of panic, someone has to hold the tree upright until it’s been attached to a light fitting to stop it falling over and impaling an unsuspecting, passing child.

This year I won the Fake vs Fir battle of the Christmas trees – although my victory certainly required a degree of stealth

So it’s always been a real tree in our house; but once Christmas was over everyone was far too busy to put the process into reverse. It was left to yours truly to pack away the decorations and lug the tree outside, shedding pine needles everywhere and taking an age to clear.

That’s why I’ve been the lone voice opposing tradition and arguing for a fuss-free fake. And this year, for the first time, I got my way. Back in the January sales, I secretly bought online a fake tree – flocked green, with frosted branches and ‘pre-lit’.

When the 2023 Fake vs Fir debate kicked off, I won. And I had to – I had the tree already!

At the weekend, everyone returned home to bring down the decorations from the loft and untangle the lights in preparation for the start of the festive season.

Once they had left, I stood staring at my tree. There was no sharp scent of pine filling the room, no gentle rustle of the branches as I swept past and no hidden hollows to hide precious baubles that don’t quite fit the colour theme but you just can’t bear not to hang up.

It’s always been a real tree in our house; but once Christmas was over everyone was far too busy to put the process into reverse

Meanwhile, the dog had no interest at all in scratching his back on the lower branches.

Yes, the lights were twinkling, but my heart was not.

My husband was right all along (which is not something he often heard me say). No, you cannot beat the magic of a real tree and I realise now that it doesn’t feel like Christmas without one. Of course, I will never admit that I was wrong (that’s another family tradition!), but I have to find a way to back down without losing face. Thankfully, I’ve another year to work out how.

As Culture Secretary, I knew that it wasn’t enough to do the right thing, you had to be seen to do the right thing, too. The public has a right to be reassured that you are acting in their interests.

So I welcome the decision by Lucy Frazer, the current Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, to examine closely the proposed sale of the Telegraph titles to a media group part funded by the ruling family of the United Arab Emirates, an autocratic state not exactly known for cherishing a free Press. 

I welcome the decision by Lucy Frazer, the current Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, to examine closely the proposed sale of the Telegraph titles to a media group part funded by the ruling family of the United Arab Emirates

Such a deal runs the risk of turning a venerable, British media institution into the equivalent of a foreign nation’s mouthpiece along the lines of Russia Today.

I’d suggest that Ms Frazer needs to act both decisively and fast.

Kate’s style is all her own

A claim by royal journalist Omid Scobie (aka ‘Meghan’s Mouth piece’) that she and Kate were encouraged to indulge in ‘Diana cosplay’ – to dress like the late Princess of Wales in the hope that some of her shine would ‘rub off on them’ – is laughable. 

Kate has her own very definite and evolving style and is increasingly confident and adventurous in her choices – whether it’s her favourite skin tight jeans or a Jenny Packham gown for glitzy events.

I‘m not surprised Grace Dent has left I’m A Celebrity. She looked far from happy in the jungle and was becoming worryingly gaunt. She’s the one I spotted walking away from campfire discussions, and her face when she was voted to do a Bushtucker Trial said it all.

I’m sure that Grace – whom I’ve met and thought a lovely person – is being supported and I wish her well. And I look forward to seeing her back on our screens doing what she does best: critiquing the work of top chefs and tasting dishes other than ostrich anus and the like.

Having been through such a trial myself, it’s not something you’d wish on anyone.

I really think we’re losing our Marbles

It has been apparent for some time that the British Museum is ready to wash its hands of the Elgin Marbles – a collection of Ancient Greek sculptures and architectural details we must now refer to, in the interests of political correctness, as the Parthenon Marbles – and return them to Greece.

It has been apparent for some time that the British Museum is ready to wash its hands of the Elgin Marbles 

This is despite the fact that they were removed with the full permission of Greek officials in order to safeguard them for posterity – which is what we have done – and that in 1816 the Government paid £35,000 (around £3 million today) to Lord Elgin for rescuing them.

The chair of the museum, one George Osborne, has made clear where he thinks the Marbles should be. Keir Starmer has now chipped in, to say, as PM, he’d also back returning them to Greece ‘on loan’.

But once they leave this shore, they will never return. So if you’ve never seen them – displayed in all their magnificence in London – my advice is to visit soon!

Have the marketing team at John Lewis seen the Christmas advert for Charlie’s Bar in Enniskillen, County Fermanagh?

If not, then they should.

The two-minute video – shot on an iPhone and costing just £700 – has been viewed millions of times and counting.

It has an emotional pull the big-budget productions lack entirely, and a message – captured by a closing quote from W.B. Yeats, ‘There are no strangers here, only friends you haven’t yet met’ – that encapsulates the true essence of Christmas.

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