Nervous about speaking problems aloud, I turned to the Samaritans online chat

I actually came across Samaritans’ Online Chat by accident – I was struggling with a personal issue and googling the phone number.

When I saw that their support services offered Online Chat as an option, I thought ‘Why not give it a try?’ and I’m very, very glad I did. 

It provided an outlet for the thoughts I was struggling with, and a new way of getting help without having to speak aloud or worry about holding a conversation. 

I’ve always had anxiety.

One day I could be fine walking into a shop on my own and another I couldn’t leave my bed with the thought of interacting with other people. I have also struggled with depression.

For quite a long time, between 2010 and 2018, I used medication to try and manage my symptoms.

I couldn’t decide if I was worse on or off them. When I decided to stop, aged 28, I found my personality and my approach towards day-to-day life changed significantly. 

It was difficult to adapt, and took time to understand what I was really feeling.

It’s very reassuring to be able to talk with someone online who listens and is able to understand my issues, whatever they may be

One day, as I struggled to get on top of things, I called Samaritans when I became very overwhelmed.

This was before Samaritans had launched their Online Chat, so I reached out to them through the more traditional phone service.

While I knew that Samaritans were there to help, but when I initially called, I thought you had to be at the end of your tether to talk to them.

I even apologised to the volunteer who answered for troubling them, before they explained to me that they were there for you no matter how ‘big or small’ your issues might be.

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I have called again since and everyone I speak to is wonderful – always so comforting and compassionate.

But late last year, I used the Online Chat function for the first time, and I was pleased to see that the same service I’ve had over the phone from each volunteer was also available virtually.

It was in the autumn, I’d had an argument with a close friend and it impacted my mental health.

I couldn’t talk to them about it, and I didn’t want to talk to friends and family either – I wanted someone who could be completely impartial about the situation.

I didn’t want anyone to hear me getting my frustrations out, so when I saw the Online Chat option I chose that over a telephone call.

I remember getting very quick responses, and I felt at ease early on into the conversation. Online Chat is run by volunteers – not a bot or AI – and you can really feel that personal touch in the replies.

Thinking back now, I couldn’t tell you if the conversation was 40 minutes or an hour and half, but it was a long while, and massively helpful.

As I was on my phone, it felt more private than talking aloud – anyone looking wouldn’t have known what I was doing – I could’ve been messaging a friend. I found that very useful and can imagine other scenarios where people could find this really handy.

For me, the chat worked almost like a journal; it helped to get everything out about the situation and my feelings around it.

By speaking with someone this way, I was able to understand what was logical or illogical in my thought process after the argument.

Being able to read back my own responses was also helpful – it gave me the chance to really examine my emotions.

I was also able to collect my thoughts and say exactly what I really needed to – any brief pauses in the conversation didn’t feel like awkward silences, and I didn’t feel any pressure to fill any gaps that you do in a spoken conversation.

Samaritans volunteers aren’t biased and the one I spoke to didn’t try to solve what I was struggling with, they just supported and helped me in that moment, which is exactly what I needed.

It was just beneficial to get everything out in the open and to feel like I was heard and the feelings I had were completely valid.

Whenever I’ve spoken to Samaritans it’s felt easy and I’ve felt understood. I often find it very difficult to understand and express my emotions, but Samaritans without fail always calm me down and help me organise my thoughts.

It’s very reassuring to be able to talk with someone online who listens and is able to understand my issues, whatever they may be.

Inspired by Online Chat, and the journal-like approach to my issues, I’ve found it has helped me to continue writing things down on a pad or somewhere private on my phone to get my feelings out.

It almost feels like you’re getting rid of the thought. I’ve found keeping your feelings bottled up really isn’t healthy in the long run.

I’d say to anyone else that is struggling to cope – contact Samaritans. I know some of my friends have contacted them, and the Online Chat feature means you don’t need to worry about speaking your problems aloud.

Thankfully, I’m in a better place than I have been ever before. I’m able to enjoy the things I love – especially music, travelling and food.

I know how useful Samaritans has been on my journey with mental health, and I’ll continue to reach out if I ever need to again.

I hope by sharing my experiences, others feel able to do so, too.

Online Chat is a relatively new, free, method of support, still in a pilot phase, available Monday-Thursday 6-10pm, Sunday 6-9pm. Other methods of contacting Samaritans – phone, email, self-help app – are available 24/7. To find out more, visit Chat with us online | Contact a Samaritan (samaritans.org)

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