It’s a question that’s been pondered by great minds (Nora Ephron, rise) for many decades: Can men and women ever truly just be platonic pals, or is there always something more on the horizon?
From 1989’s classic smash rom-com When Harry Met Sally to Apple TV+’s brand new Platonic, it’s the age-old debate that will never die.
In TV’s latest offering, the premise follows Will (Seth Rogan) and Sylvia (Rose Byrne), who reconnect after years apart – but their easy chemistry belies a potential undercurrent of feeling. Platonic shows opposites attract – Sylvia is the busy mum of three stuck doing housewife duties, while Will refuses to grow up. Their closeness confuses people, leading those around them to question if it’s really just friendship between them.
So what does team Metro.co.uk think about all this? Here, two of our writers go head to head.
I’ve slept with male friends and I’ve not regretted it for a second
Kimberley Bond, 29, is a features writer at Metro.co.uk
Hitting on your friends is a dangerous game. To swap saliva with someone you’ve ever traded easy banter with previously could result in compromising the fragility of a friendship.
The risk of swooping in on a pal can often be high, with the only guarantee being that it’ll result in a moment that will keep you up at night; though whether you’re doubled over in cheek-flushing embarrassment or screaming in pleasure remains to be seen.
I’ll be frank – I’ve struggled to keep the vast majority of my friendships with male friends strictly platonic. Even if we never ended up in flagrante, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t mentally toyed with the idea, much to my shame.
Why? I think it’s because I value emotional connection, and the more I get to know someone, the more I start to fancy them. It’s the easiness this familiarity brings with a lot of my male friends which has resulted in intimacy – instead of having to negotiate awkward conversations over Tinder dates and too much wine, I feel safer with someone I’ve already established a firm foundation of friendship with. What’s wrong if that leads to a little more?
The first time it happened was at university with a close friend who I found myself spending an increasing amount of time with. After a hard day and an argument with someone, I sought solace in his company, eating extra large pizzas and watching Simon Pegg movies. A comforting hug ended up escalating, I think to the surprise of both of us.
I thought this would mean the end of the friendship, and I avoided any contact with him for a few days. When he eventually nailed me down (poor choice of words here, but you catch my drift), we established that this was a one time thing, a nice encounter but nothing more. Once we’d batted off any initial discomfort, we were back eating stuffed crust and watching films without any further qualms or mention of it. The fact we’d slept together was almost like a punchline to an ongoing private joke.
Whether (and it should be noted – this is a quandary for straight people) men and women can truly just be friends was a topic of conversation I had with a male friend (and, former fling, obviously) at Christmas. Over slugs of whisky, he announced how, when he finally gets a girlfriend, he was going to cut all his previous flings out his life.
‘It would be disloyal to my girlfriend to remain on speaking terms with someone I’ve had sex with,’ he said pompously.
I was mocking of his inability to think outside his trousers, but then when I got home I realised that not many people can distinguish between intimacy out of attraction, and intimacy for intimacy’s sake.
I appreciate I may be somewhat of an anomaly; all the sex I’ve had with male friends for whatever reason, I can separate from the basis of our friendship. We’ve also been clear with the boundaries and that any intimate moment is effectively meaningless.
I’m lucky that for the most part, I’m still good friends with most of the men I’ve slept with. Not every friendship can withstand the weight of two people having sex on it, especially if one person is being coy about having deeper feelings.
That’s not to say I’m ready and raring to go with every male friend I have – particularly as I have a boyfriend (who is adult and open-minded enough to understand that while I have slept with male friends, it’s not going to happen again while we’re together). There are also some that are strictly off-limits – the ones I work with, for example.
But for the most part, the sex I’ve had with male friends has only been beneficial. It’s helped me be more emotionally open with them; after all, if you can communicate with someone in sex, you can communicate in any other context. It lends itself to much deeper, more meaningful friendships – and I don’t regret the intimate moments at all.
It’s ridiculous to suggest that men and women can’t have platonic friendships
Emmie Harrison-West, 30, is a freelance journalist and Metro columnist
I remember kissing my best friend, let’s called him Jake*, when I was 13.
We were confused teenagers, hanging out underneath a bunk bed in my bright pink bedroom – the walls (and ceiling) peppered with Kerrang posters of floppy-haired adult men who sang sad songs for young girls.
The kiss was disgusting. It was exactly like that moment in Mean Girls when BFFs Janis and Damian kiss at the dance. Jake and I stopped after seconds and laughed, gagging – vowing never to do it again.
We’ve been best friends ever since – supporting each other through big life changes, moving cities, countries and navigating break-ups. He came to my wedding, leading the loudest applause. And we haven’t kissed since – or slept together (gross).
In fact, the thought of sleeping with him makes me feel a little nauseous.
As teens, it was a confusing concept that men and women could be friends – without sleeping with, or fancying each other. Fueled with pre-pubescent sexual interest, and unsure of what to do with it, and who to do it with.
We didn’t know back then that boys and girls could have real-life, platonic relationships, like we do now.
In pop culture, boys were only friends with girls if one half of them was gay. And men and women only appeared opposite each other, not as friends, but as vying for the other’s love, attention and genitals – not friendship.
There’s no sexual chemistry between Jake and I, why would there be? There never has been, and there never will be. We’re literally just friends, who happen to be of the opposite sex.
I know he’s an attractive bloke – he’s intelligent, comes from a great family, has a brilliant sense of humour, loves dogs and has good teeth. But it doesn’t mean I’m attracted to him, or want to f*ck him.
And I know he feels the same about me – probably feeling physically repulsed at the thought.
You can’t be BFFs with someone you have any attraction to, or sexual chemistry with. It just doesn’t work like that. It’s not supposed to. I think people often confuse platonic affection between friends with sexual attraction, when it’s not the case at all.
So, the idea that men and women can’t be friends without wanting to sleep with each other is ridiculous – and, Christ, not every woman wants to sleep with every man. And vice versa, I’m sure.
Sex just makes it messy – like you’re crossing an invisible line that you can never take back. It’s irreversible.
Apple TV+’s new comedy, Platonic, keeps coming back to life’s overarching question of if a straight woman and straight man can have a platonic relationship. The answer? Yes, absolutely.
It’s absurd to suggest that it’s an expectation of male-female friendships to fancy each other, even a little, and fantasise about having sex with them – or actually sleeping together.
If you want to f*ck your friend, then you’re not really friends, are you? Not really. Yes, I often count my husband as my best friend now – but we weren’t friends when we first met. There was attraction, before there was affection and friendship.
We’re soulmates, not platonic partners – and there’s a stark difference.
They’re two pieces of two different jigsaws that don’t fit – and aren’t supposed to. Perhaps it’s up to us to stop forcing them together.
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