I’m a psychologist and here are 9 ways YOU can stop being a people pleaser

• Dr Lalitaa Suglani is a clinical psychologist with a practice based in Birmingham
• READ MORE: Are YOU lonely? Psychologist reveals 12 subtle signs – and the reason other people might not notice

A psychologist has revealed nine ways you can stop being a people pleaser – from prioritising your own needs to setting boundaries.

Birmingham-based chartered psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani took to Instagram, where she has more than 125,000 followers, to share information on the topic in a recent post.

The psychologist accompanied her post with an extensive caption, in which she discussed how people pleasing can present.

She also opened up about her own journey, describing how she worked at moving away from these behaviours.

Dr Lalitaa explained that people pleasing ‘has many layers’, and that it is ‘so important for us to have a safe space to explore these layers and start to break free from old patterns to live without being emotionally corded to all those around you’. 

Are you a people pleaser? A psychologist has shared nine ways you can stop being a people pleaser in a recent post on Instagram (stock image)

Opening up about her own experiences, the psychologist said: ‘I remember when I started on this journey the hardest part for me was self compassion. 

‘I could offer this to everyone else but found it so hard to offer to myself. 

Nine ways to stop being a people pleaser

1. Prioritise your needs 

Take care of yourself and your well- being without feeling guilty.

2. Set boundaries

Learn to say ‘no’ when something doesn’t align with your values or priorities.

3. Practise self-awareness

Pay attention to your feelings and motivations behind people-pleasing behaviours.

4. Celebrate authenticity

Embrace your unique qualities and let go of the need for constant approval.

5. Engage in self-discovery

Explore your interests and passions to develop a stronger sense of self.

6. Seek professional help

Consider therapy to address underlying issues that contribute to people-pleasing.

7. Set realistic expectations

Avoid overcommitting and take on only what you can handle.

8. Practise self-compassion

Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for imperfections. You do not need to be perfect.

9. Celebrate achievements

Acknowledge your accomplishments without seeking external validation.

Source: Dr Lalitaa Suglani 

‘But the more you keep working on understanding your patterns and practising in the real world the more you can change this way of being.’

She also pointed out that changing is ‘not a quick fix’, rather it ‘becomes a new way of life’.

Dr Lalitaa has previously shared information about people pleasing, outlining eight behaviours that may appear to be kindness, but could actually be people pleasing.

Among the eight behaviours, she listed tending to over apologise, and finding it hard to say no.

She also said not speaking up when your feelings are hurt could be a sign of people pleasing, as could changing to better accommodate others all the time.

Being there for everyone else except for yourself, feeling uncomfortable with conflict, and taking responsibility for other people’s feelings were also on the list.

Finally, she said, constantly seeking external validation can be a sign of people pleasing.

Having earlier identified these behaviours, the psychologist has now outlined what you can do to tackle them.

Her list of nine ways to stop being a people pleaser opened with prioritising your own needs.

She then listed setting boundaries, practising self-awareness, and celebrating authenticity.

Next on her list was engaging in self-discovery, with the psychologist advising readers to explore their interests and passions to develop a stronger sense of self.

Among her other tips were seeking professional help, setting realistic expectations, practising self-compassion, and celebrating achievements.

Concluding her extensive caption, Dr Lalitaa left readers with a positive message.  

She said: ‘You deserve to feel good within yourself and not to gain your worth by what you feel others think of you.’

She advised people to ’embrace [their] authenticity with confidence’.

She then noted: ‘Breaking the people-pleasing pattern takes time and effort, but it leads to greater self-confidence, fulfillment, and healthier relationships. 

‘Each step toward authenticity empowers you to live life on your terms, free from the burden of seeking approval from others.

‘Embracing your true self empowers you to live a life that aligns with your values, passions, and desires, fostering healthier and more genuine connections with others.’

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