Singles debate whether or not you should tell someone their bad habits are a MAJOR turn off – as the biggest dating ‘icks’ are revealed
- Aussies have revealed if you should tell someone you’re dating about their ‘icks’
- Relationship expert Louanne Ward, from Perth, started the discussion online
- She asked how people would tell a partner if their bad habits was a turn off
- Some said they would ‘not bother’ and lean to love the person the way they are
- However others recommended having a ‘kind’ and ‘respectful’ discussion
Singletons are debating whether or not it’s necessary to tell someone they’re dating if one of their bad habits is turning them off.
In a discussion on the popular page She Said He Said, most agreed people should let their partner know if they’re doing something to give them the ‘ick’ in a ‘kind’ manner while others said if it’s a small issue to let it go.
Relationship coach Louanne Ward started the thread posing the ‘awkward’ question: ‘Do you think it is important to tell someone what is bothering you even though they could be offended enough to end the relationship?’
Relationship coach Louanne Ward asked her followers if they think you should tell the person they’re dating if their bad habits are a turn off – and how they wold broach the conversation
She said one person being turned off by the other’s annoying habits can happen in couples who are new to dating, been together for a few months or have a relationship spanning over years.
Louanne asked if bringing up turn offs with a partner is worth it especially if it has the potential to end the relationship.
‘Many little things you can tolerate to a degree but what happens when something little isn’t little to you and the thought of dealing with it on an ongoing basis just doesn’t seem likely?’ she said.
‘Sometimes the little habit seems petty but even something small can lead to a relationship breakdown if it’s not addressed.’
One man said he ‘wouldn’t bother’ while another agreed saying you should love the person ‘for who they are’.
‘Unless it’s a serious issue it wouldn’t worry me, we are all human beings and should be loved for who we are or bye bye,’ another woman answered.
However most thought ‘icks’ and bad habits should be discussed in a relationship as long as it’s done in a ‘respectful way’.
One man said he ‘wouldn’t bother’ while another agreed saying you should love the person ‘for who they are’
‘Be straight forward and tell them,’ one woman replied.
‘A gentle respectful chat about something is ok. Small criticisms are a part of life and if you can learn to accept them as life goes on you will grow,’ a second wrote.
Someone said to choose wording carefully if talking to a partner about their irritating idiosyncrasies.
‘You can put it across in a supportive way, emphasise you still car for them, and you just want to be upfront,’ she explained.
Most agreed people should let their partner know if they’re doing something to give them the ‘ick’ in a ‘kind’ and ‘respectful’ manner
‘You can either light-heartedly joke about it or comment about it here and there or go. ‘Listen I feel we need to talk about X habit, I still care for you no matter what, but wanted to know if there’s anything we can do to avoid it?’,’ she added.
Another man said to chat about something if it’s a serious issues but give the smaller things more time.
Poll
Should you tell someone you’re dating about their bad habits?
Should you tell someone you’re dating about their bad habits?
Now share your opinion
He said smoking was a deal breaker in a relationship but he’s learnt to accept it after a dating a smoker but gave an example of a more pressing issue he had with his new partner.
‘The last few days she’d been very distracted by work and wasn’t giving me focused attention when we talked. When I first raised it she was a little dismissive of me,’ he said.
‘I held my ground and patiently explained to her that because I loved her and the connection was important to me, I’d speak out as I needed her focused attention. She got the message and thanked me for speaking out and already the connection is flowing better. Early days yet but let’s see what happens!’
The discussion comes after an Australian woman who polled a group of ladies late last month to uncover what gave them ‘the ick’ on the last date they had has returned with even more responses.
Winnie, who blogs under the username Winnie Blues on Instagram, asked her 36,000 followers what their ‘oddly specific’ ick was.
Winnie, who blogs under the username Winnie Blues on Instagram, asked her 36,000 followers what their ‘oddly specific’ ick was
Some of the examples given by Winnie’s fans were so niche and peculiar they garnered laughter from those that read them
‘The ick’ is when attraction to a current or potential partner suddenly changes to a feeling of disgust because the individual did something either disturbing or annoying.
Some of the examples given by Winnie’s fans were so niche and peculiar they garnered laughter from those that read them.
‘Girls who can’t drive a manual car’, ‘denim jackets with woolly collars’ and ‘standing outside of the shower naked while waiting for it to get hot,’ were just some of the obscure additions mentioned last night.
‘Girls who can’t drive a manual car’, ‘denim jackets with wooly collars’ and ‘standing outside of the shower naked while waiting for it to get hot,’ were just some of the obscure additions mentioned last night
‘Men crossing their legs while they sit’, ‘sending a x after everything’ and ‘referring to yourself as a foodie’ also made the cut.
‘I can’t look at my partner when he’s showering. He looks pathetic,’ one woman wrote.
‘When a guy runs towards a bird and it doesn’t fly away,’ said another.
‘Sweaty and shined bald head,’ added a third.
‘The ick’ is when attraction to a current or potential partner suddenly changes to a feeling of disgust because the individual did something either disturbing or annoying
There were problems with men using umbrellas, calling into a radio station just to have a chat, the thought of a man being locked out of his house and when they get a telemarketing call and have to say they aren’t interested
‘I tried so hard not to laugh in the Uber on the way home reading these,’ one man replied to the thread
There were problems with men using umbrellas, calling into a radio station just to have a chat, the thought of a man being locked out of his house and when they get a telemarketing call and have to say they aren’t interested.
Another woman argued that seeing someone run for a bus gave her the ‘ick’ in a more general way, which was met with rapid approval.
Sleeveless puffer jackets, dark blue bedroom sheets, people who preach about saunas and men sitting cross legged on the floor also made the cut.
‘I tried so hard not to laugh in the Uber on the way home reading these,’ one man replied to the thread.
Experts from Bondi psychology practice Mind Matters weighed in on the infamous deal breaker previously, which is best described as a sudden but irreversible feeling of disgust towards a romantic interest that leads you to end the relationship
‘I will never forget the bird chasing one,’ said another.
Seven ‘just not that into you’ relationship red flags
* Spending a lot of time on their phone
* Never making plans to meet
* Never asking questions about you or your life
* Avoiding introducing you to friends
* Always saying they are busy
* Failure to hold eye contact
* A niggling doubt or gut feeling that something isn’t quite right
A third said: ‘Absolutely get the telemarketing thing. Like grow a pair and hang up’.
Experts from Bondi psychology practice Mind Matters weighed in on the infamous deal breaker previously, which is best described as a sudden but irreversible feeling of disgust towards a romantic interest that leads you to end the relationship.
Typically triggered in an instant after witnessing some kind of turn-off behaviour, ‘the ick’ flips physical attraction to revulsion with an obnoxious laugh, a crude remark or off-putting eating.
But psychologists say the phenomenon is often a self-defence mechanism to protect against rejection, fear of intimacy or commitment, and relationship failure.
‘Most of us want to feel safe with a partner, to trust them, have open communication and share interests.’ the post says.
‘However, if an unexpected behaviour is suddenly turning you off, ask yourself what might be happening for you?’
Relationship counsellors explain that attraction is a ‘flip flop phenomenon’, where something that attracts you to someone today can be the very thing that repulses you tomorrow.
Traits take on different meanings as a partnership progresses in that people who you initially find to be fun and carefree can often turn out to be irresponsible and reckless in more important situations.
Source: Read Full Article
