The internet pointed out a while back that friends that have known each other for years don’t have many pictures together.
It’s a weird phenomenon, but the general consensus confirmed it to be true.
It seemed the longer you’d known someone, the fewer times they appeared in your camera roll.
And now, TikTok has come up with another observation: if you’re really good mates, you don’t hug.
In a five second video that’s been viewed over 8.7 million times, creator Naila pretends to be texting her best friend who she claims she’s only hugged ‘twice in the last six years.’
The comments came flooding in, with people sharing similar stories of touch starved best friendships.
So if the idea of hugging your best pal is downright weird, you’re not alone, but the popularity of this theory could actually be the nudge we need to be a little more affectionate.
The ‘never hugging’ theory is my favourite!! #bestfriends #fyp
What is the best friend theory?
According to the theory, best friends don’t hug because a healthy friendship means setting boundaries.
If you’re close enough to another person to let them know what feels comfortable for you, you likely have the foundation of a solid friendship.
The theory also states that friends who do repeatedly hug one another are continually overstepping these boundaries, and so therefore the friendship is doomed to fail.
Where did the best friend theory come from?
Well, like most things on TikTok, it isn’t rooted in any kind of science or research – no surprises there.
Creator Naila actually posted a second video saying she made up the theory ‘in my bedroom on a random Wednesday.’
The revelation left viewers reeling. ‘Girl I believed you,’ read one comment, while another user wrote, ‘My aversion to hugs has kept my besties and I together for 11 years and no one can tell me otherwise.’
But there may be a societal reason for why we don’t hug people we’ve known for years.
Senior therapist, Sally Baker, told Metro.co.uk: ‘If you met as children, the social norms in terms of greetings and affection at that age may have been different – and that habit has continued through to adulthood.
‘You may also now have enough of a history and back story with that friend, that you don’t need that physical affection from them.’
Should we avoid hugs for long lasting friendships?
It all depends on what you feel comfortable with.
Not being ‘a hugger’ is, of course, totally fine, and a simple ‘I don’t like hugs’ should be enough for a good friend to back off.
‘It should go without saying that you have autonomy over your own body and everyone should work within their own parameters,’ says Sally.
‘Just tell people you’re not a hugger, and offer a handshake or a wave instead.’
But there are benefits to giving and receiving physical affection.
Sally says: ‘It’s good to physically acknowledge a loved one’s presence with a hug – to have a moment together, and relax into one another.
‘Especially after a pandemic when being physically close to one another came with so much fear.
‘Demonstrating what a friend means to you like this can be life affirming for both parties.’
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