There are a lot of slippery sensations going on during sex. Getting it on potentially involves all types of fluids and secretions. Think about it—you’re exchanging sweat, saliva, pre-cum, semen, blood, squirt, sometimes pee, and even poop (if you’re into that).
Barrier methods (like external condoms, internal condoms, dental dams, and gloves) limit the mess and chance of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). But what if you’re thinking of having unprotected sex?
Okay, yes, we can all get careless about protection sometimes, but we’re not talking about ditching condoms and other preventatives in a spontaneous and/or accidental way. We’re talking about the conscious choice you make between you and your partner(s) to engage in unprotected sex, preceded by deliberate conversations about boundaries and risk assessment.
Yes, there’s a difference between throwing caution to the wind because neither of you remembered to bring a condom and making an active choice as sexual partners to forgo barrier methods. That difference is called “fluid bonding.”
Both scenarios might sound pretty similar—either way, condoms are out, right? But when it comes to fluid bonding, there’s more to the “raw sex” conversation than you might think.
“For some people, there isn’t a deeper meaning other than simply a decision to have unprotected sex moving forward,” says Evan Goldstein, DO, anal surgeon and founder of Bespoke Surgical and Future Method. “But for others, this can be seen as a major step in the relationship—a sign of trust and commitment, because what’s closer than exchanging bodily fluids?”
So, what exactly is fluid bonding? And what should you take into consideration when discussing it with your partner? Here’s everything you need to know about the (TBH, pretty serious!) business of exchanging literal bodily fluids with another person.
So what is fluid bonding?
The term “fluid bonding” might be new to you, but you’re probably already familiar with the general concept. Fluid bonding means making a decision to not use barrier methods and to share bodily fluids with your partner.
“Theoretically, it is not the same as spontaneously engaging in unprotected sex,” says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, an associate professor of sexual communication at California State University Fullerton and host of “Luvbites by Dr. Tara” podcast. “Fluid bonding usually happens when the couple has been together for a while and has consciously decided to stop using protection during sex.”
The keywords here are “consciously decided.” In other words, it’s a mutual, pre-planned decision to stop using barrier methods, and the discussion likely happens well in advance before it’s actually implemented.
What are the benefits of fluid bonding?
There are multiple reasons couples may decide to fluid bond, whether it’s because they find sex without barrier methods more pleasurable or they feel ditching barriers can provide a more ~intimate~ sexual experience.
Fluid bonding might also signify that the relationship is at a comfortable stage, which reinforces the emotional connection and trust, adds Suwinyattichaiporn. “You are having unprotected sex, which means you trust that your partner is not having sex with others, or they do and tell you about it and use protection. Either way, fluid bonding could create a positive loop of trust.”
Jenelle Pierce, CSE, Executive Director of The STI Project and spokesperson for Positive Singles, notes that some people may view fluid bonding as a physiological way to determine compatibility.
“Some partners can fluid bond without causing an imbalance in the healthy flora that naturally exists in the genitals, while fluid bonding with others will create an imbalance in the natural genital flora causing an infection,” Pierce explains. “This is sometimes viewed as a physiological indicator that the relationship is incompatible.”
(Far be it from us to stop you from letting your vagina choose your partners for you if you want! That said, yeast infections, BV, and various other vagina probs are super common—especially after sex and especially after sex with a new partner. So just because your vaginal pH got a little out of whack after getting it on with your newly fluid-bonded boo does NOT mean your relationship is doomed, FYI.)
Fluid-bonded partners may feel a heightened sense of connection, but it’s also important to keep in mind that perceived psychological benefits are highly subjective and will differ from one person to the next. For example, you may view fluid bonding as a way to express a deeper form of intimacy while your partner feels like the risks outweigh the benefits. Both are totally normal and fine! It’s all about making sure you and your partner are on the same page before you get all up in each other’s bodily fluids.
What are the risks to consider before fluid bonding?
Before making the decision to fluid bond, make sure you’re aware that it comes with risks—some of which are simply a minor inconvenience, while other potential side effects can be more permanent.
“For people in monogamous relationships, as long as honesty and trust are pillars that everyone is abiding by, the overall risk of having unprotected sex is nil because if no one has an STI, then no one is going to get one,” Goldstein says.
However, honesty and trust are values that people might have in theory, but, uh, not necessarily in practice. That’s why it’s still important to get tested often. (And BTW, getting tested does not mean you don’t trust your partner or anything like that. It just means you’re taking charge of your sexual health and keeping you both healthy in the process.)
Goldstein suggests that sexually active people who are in a consensually non-monogamous relationship should still be undergoing STI testing at least every three months. He also notes that these exams should be comprehensive, and include oral, vaginal, and anal swabs, blood work, and urine samples.
Believe it or not, over two-thirds of doctors have received less than 10 hours of sex education across their entire four years in medical school. (Uh, yikes.) So don’t forget to advocate for yourself because they may not be asking the right questions to get you a full panel STI screening.
“I hear all the time about people who engage in anal sex, but don’t get rectal swabs, or people who give oral sex, but don’t get oral swabs,” says Goldstein. “All their doctor suggests is blood work. That’s how STIs go undetected and spread—because the blood work comes back all clear, when, in fact, someone has gonorrhea in their throat or chlamydia in their rectum.”
Aside from infections, choosing to fluid bond with a partner comes with a heightened risk of an unplanned pregnancy. (Breaking news, we know.) To minimize that risk, use birth control or track your fertile windows.
“There are a lot of helpful apps that can aid in tracking your period, as well as when you are most likely to be ovulating,” says Pierce, adding that it’s important to keep in mind that these trackers are not 100% accurate, and their reliability can vary significantly depending on a number of factors, including who you are, your cycle, and all kinds of external forces that can mess with your body’s usual flow. (Not to mention the privacy concerns about who, exactly, is getting their hands on your reproductive data and what they’re doing with it.) So if avoiding pregnancy is the goal, finding a long-term reversible birth control option like the pill or an IUD is probably your safest bet.
How to talk to your partner about fluid bonding.
“Talk about why you’d like to do it and ask them what they think. Offering reasons creates a dialogue with your partner, which is better than a request,” says Suwinyattichaiporn. “Some reasons can be that you have been together for a long time and you feel comfortable doing it and enhancing the bond, you would like to experience new sensations, or maybe you just want to experiment!”
Whatever your reasons for wanting to go fluid official, the key is to make sure the conversation is just that: a conversation.
“When you want to talk about new sex things you want to try, always frame it as a dialogue—a question or curiosity rather than a persuasion or a request,” adds Suwinyattichaiporn.
How do you navigate fluid bonding as a non-monogamous couple?
Similar to a monogamous couple, open communication, firm boundaries, and honesty are pivotal when navigating fluid bonding as a non-monogamous couple.
Goldstein suggests asking all partners to also test regularly, seek treatment if a positive result comes back, and tell all recent partners if that happens. “There’s still a lot of shame around positive STI diagnoses, which shouldn’t happen,” he says. “Having a community-oriented mentality around sex and STI transmission will help reduce everyone’s risk.”
Pierce notes that fluid bonding can look different from relationship to relationship, depending on each person’s needs. Boundaries may also change over time and from person to person, and that’s okay.
“What feels comfortable for one relationship does not always feel comfortable for another relationship. Some partners will choose to be fluid-bonded with only one person while others might be comfortable with more than one fluid-bonded relationship existing among partners,” she adds.
Remember, regardless of your relationship style, you get to decide what boundaries you have during sexual and romantic encounters. With mutual consent, clear communication, and proper risk assessment, you and your partner (or partners) are free to do what works for you. If that includes getting wet and wild with each others’ bodily fluids, then by all means, go forth and enjoy your fluid-bonded bliss.
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