Men her age, says screen academic and stand-up comedian Marilyn Leder, can be a little “too serious”.
Leder found it refreshing to learn that the trope of “sad” middle-aged divorcees is a myth that needs busting — one of the many discoveries the 52-year-old Swinburne University script-writing lecturer made since becoming separated on the eve of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Marilyn Leder is giving post-divorce life a fabulous makeover.Credit:Simon Schluter
Having put aside performing for marriage and motherhood, Leder’s newfound freedom in her 50s has delivered a return to a stand-up career and a revelation she did not predict: dating (devoted) younger men is “life-affirming”.
“I didn’t want to online date, but my friend convinced me to do it. [But] I found the older guys in my demographic, 45-55, were very serious,” she said.
“My friend suggested I go a little bit younger, and I found all these great fellas — doctors, creatives, rock star lawyers. My late Jewish mum would have been happy. No one was more surprised than me that I was attractive to younger men.”
Though experiencing moderate “shaming” from her teen children for dating — something experienced to a lesser degree by middle-aged men — Leder turned her adventures into a show, The MILF Next Door. It sold out at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and has been updated for the forthcoming Melbourne Fringe.
”I’m subverting the worn-out stereotype of the older guy with the younger woman,” Leder said. “I think that can be quite boring.”
She is also challenging the idea a woman her age without a husband is suffering.
“I don’t like this idea of women being expected to be ‘depressed’ when they are divorced. That’s the stereotype of the divorced woman. You’ll get, ‘I’m so sorry’,” she said.
While Leder’s show has plenty of fun, including inspirational kitchen ideas, she hopes it also breaks stereotypes of what is expected of women as they age — including how it is only men to whom society offers a license to choose much younger partners.
Leder claims the right for her demographic to talk very openly on stage about sex, and to challenge ideas of behavioural limitations that long-term marriage and motherhood place on women.
“It was quite a risk for me, quite scary at first talking about my sex life because I do think of myself as a good Jewish girl, but I feel it’s lovely and fun to have a healthy sex life and no reason to be ashamed,” said Leder, who previously interned at 20th Century Fox with Seinfeld actor Jason Alexander in the NBC script development department.
“There’s definitely double standards for women; men who have children can go on stage and talk about whatever the hell they like, but I feel women are possibly judged a little bit more harshly.”
Experiencing (and writing about) how younger men she met online treated her, compared to men her own age, revealed how attitudes to women moved forward within a single generation.
“The younger guys were a lot more open and a lot more respectful,” Leder said. “Older guys were intimidated by me, younger guys weren’t intimidated at all.”
While she has been pleased to see a wide variety of demographics in her audiences — including men who have said they have “a much better understanding of women after that” — one group has been especially receptive to her upbeat message that life does not need to end after many Australian marriages do, in middle-age.
Women whose lives have taken a similar, if unexpected, turn as her own “do a little happy dance, and say, ‘thank you’”.
Make the most of your health, relationships, fitness and nutrition with our Live Well newsletter. Get it in your inbox every Monday.
Most Viewed in Culture
From our partners
Source: Read Full Article
