Almost at the end of its first week, Love Island’s latest season has already riled up viewers who are concerned over the age gap between Islanders Gemma Owen, 19, and the first bombshell of the season Davide Sanclimenti, 27.
The pair shared a kiss and soon coupled up, leaving viewers wondering, firstly, why a 27-year-old would be interested in dating a 19-year-old and, secondly, why the age gap hadn’t even been addressed, by islanders and producers alike.
However, last night, on the fourth episode of the season, the pair finally – albeit briefly – brought it up.
‘How are you feeling about the fact I’m much older than you?’ Davide asked.
‘I mean, you are not bothered by that?’
Gemma let Davide know that this was not her first rodeo and that she was fine with the age difference, as long as he was.
‘As I’ve said, I’ve been speaking to guys and seeing guys who are much older than me,’ she replied. ‘It’s not something that I’m not used to or you’re the only one or anything like that.
‘It’s very normal for me, so for me it’s not an issue but I feel like for you, is it an issue?’
Then, telling her that he had no issue either, Davide dropped a classic line: ‘I actually say sometimes you are much older than me.’
In other words: you’re very mature for your age.
A compliment on the surface, yes, but, underneath, definitely a red flag.
While we’re sure Davide had no bad intentions, it’s important that we acknowledge how problematic this particular line can be when it comes to age gap relationships.
‘An older person telling a younger person they are mature could be seen as grooming,’ Cathy Press, a psychotherapist specialising in relationships, tells Metro.co.uk.
‘This would be a classic Charmer behaviour, telling her the kind of things she wants to hear from the start or in the early stages of coupling up with him.
‘He could be saying these things to lead her to believe he respects her maturity and finds that attractive, which can make a younger person feel super grown up and respected.’
While, if the sentiment is genuine, this is fine, senior therapist Sally Baker sees it as excusing the age gap.
‘[A comment like this] is used to justify an age gap that a part of someone feels embarrassed or uncomfortable about,’ she says.
‘They are pointing out a younger person’s exceptional maturity as a way to gloss over the obvious.’
For Sally, the fact that the age gap has been brought up at all means that they are aware of it, and that they know that it might be uncomfortable.
And why might an older person want to do that? Well, young people are much more impressionable.
‘Younger people are easier to impress and less critical,’ says Sally.
‘When you’ve been around the block a few times, you’re more aware of red flags and toxic behaviour, so you’re more careful.
‘Younger people are the most vulnerable to bad behaviour because they don’t have the life experience to see it coming, and they get caught out.
‘Whereas older people know what they want – they want honesty and authenticity – and they know what that looks like, so they won’t stand for less.’
However, Sally stresses, maturity can be less about age than it is about life experience.
‘You’re likely to be more mature if you have a full time job or have lived away from your parents,’ she says.
But, it’s that gap in life experience which she says can lead to a power imbalance in the long run, especially if the older partner is condescending or controlling.
While not everyone will see Davide’s compliment as an instant red flag, and in this context, it could be perfectly well-meaning, it’s worth keeping an eye out for this common line outside of the villa – and questioning what it means.
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For all the latest updates, visit Metro.co.uk‘s Love Island page.
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