An ‘age gap relationship’ refers to a couple who are seriously or casually dating, with an age difference of at least 10 years. One woman in an age gap relationship of 40 years took to Reddit to ask if her boyfriend was “being too controlling”, after she highlighted some of the “rules” she has to follow.
The woman, who is 23 has been with her boyfriend, who is 63, for two years. She said “for the most part” their relationship has “been pretty amazing”, revealing they “get along like best friends” and “deeply love each other”.
The boyfriend “takes great care” of his girlfriend, and she explained how he has helped her “improve” herself and her “quality of life” is much better too.
“I am a much happier person with him, and it’s the first time in my life that I feel loved and happy and stable,” she added. “The problem is that he has certain ‘rules’ about what I can and cannot do.”
The rules are usually associated with situations or occasions where there are going to be other males around.
The woman, “who moved cities to live with” her boyfriend, found herself with no friends and her boyfriend “makes it hard for me to cultivate friendships and just live my life”.
She did say her boyfriend “allows” her to go out in public to “dance” or attend a “concert” or go “rock climbing with male and female friends present”.
So when she asked her boyfriend if she could “hang out with some friends” of both sexes, at their house for a small gathering, the boyfriend “adamantly said no” citing “it was against his rules”. He argued she was “trying to live a single life”, which she “protested” against.
The girlfriend said she was “scared” that “something I do will be against his rules without me realising”.
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“I just don’t know what to do because on one hand he’s given me a whole new life and I do love him,” she reached out. “But on the other, he can be very restricting and often makes it seem like me simply being my own human being is going to be the end of our relationship.”
The post received many replies with lots of advice. One said: “You need to end this relationship. There are older men out there who can guide and care for you (Daddy-type relationship, if that’s your thing) without controlling you and preventing you from having friends.”
“This sounds so toxic! I’m in a similar age gap relationship and would never ever do this to my gf. Time for you to move on IMO [in my opinion],” a second wrote.
A third comment read: “His behaviour would be controlling and abusive whether the age gap was part of this or not and you can and should expect more maturity than this. I think you know that it’s time to leave this man and his insecurities behind before he wastes more of your life with these “rules” he expects you to follow like he’s your boss or parent.”
Another said: “This is not an equal or balanced relationship, the power dynamic is off and you shouldn’t be expected to follow his rules.
“A healthy relationship is based on compromise and communication and from the sounds of it you have very little voice in the matter. The fact that you have to hide your friends from him for fear of how he will react is a total red flag and it will only get worse the longer it continues.”
The author updated her post after reading the comments and said: “Thank you everyone for the advice. I guess I knew in my heart that the sort of restrictions being placed on me was controlling.
“I just needed an outside perspective bc I have never really had much freedom before and I’ve never been in a serious relationship.”
She added that leaving the relationship was a “far more dramatic measure” than she was “willing to take at this point”, but reassured other Reddit users that she would be “asserting her independence more” and told her boyfriend “she is an adult and can trust me”.
If you or someone you know needs information and support, please email us at [email protected] or contact a local domestic abuse service by using our Domestic Abuse Directory www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory
If you are in immediate danger please call 999.
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