Childcare is a huge issue for new parents: some have relatives who offer to help, or can afford to pay for a full-time nanny or day care – while others have to give up their job to look after their offspring.
But it can be incredibly awkward when assumptions are made about childcare.
This is exactly the scenario a step-mum, from the US, has found herself in, but has been praised by people online for standing firm on the topic.
The 38-year-old female poster explains on Reddit that her 25-year-old step-daughter, Leah, had a baby four months ago – despite the fact she and Leah’s dad, Sam, raised concerns when she first fell pregnant about how she would afford to raise the baby.
The step-mum says in the post: ‘Leah got pregnant last year. Her boyfriend did not want to keep the baby but she wanted to keep it. He broke up with her. Leah moved back in with us cause she could not afford her lifestyle without him. She worked as a teacher and he was the bread winner.
‘I had concerns about how she was going to raise a child on a teacher’s salary by herself. I suggested getting him to pay child support. She did not want that. Sam thought I should stay out of it. Fine.
‘But once she had the baby, around four months back, Leah seemed to realise having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was. She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby, while I did almost all chores myself.’
However, the poster says now Leah’s leave is ending – and she doesn’t want a nanny or day care centre to look after her baby – she’s turned to her dad and step-mum for help.
The step-mum continues: ‘She asked if I could stay home with the baby. I said no. First, it is not my baby, and I never wanted to raise a child. Second, I have work. She asked Sam who asked me to do it instead. I refused stating the reasons again. Sam couldn’t stay home because he earned more than me and covered more bills.
‘I asked why Leah can’t stay home with the baby herself. She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and she needed something else in her life, too.’
The poster says she feels pressured by both her step-daughter and husband to stay home with the baby but is standing firm on her decision – which is particularly hard now Leah is saying she wishes her ‘mum was still alive, as she would have had her back.’
But it seems people agree with the poster – and praise the step-mum’s assertiveness.
One person said: ‘She didn’t ask you to help she asked you to pretty much give up your career and raise your step grand child.’
While another said: ‘ This is Leah’s baby, that she alone chose to have. That doesn’t obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires.’
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