CELEB Cooking School viewers were left open-mouthed as the show aired last night – very quickly realising it was nothing like Masterchef.
Despite having a top chef, Giorgio Locatelli, at the helm, the food was terrible and the stars out of control.
Made In Chelsea's Maeva D'Ascanio broke down in tears at one point after trying to weigh water.
She wept while balancing a jug on a scale and complaining about her cookery partner, rocker Shaun Ryder.
Maeva told a bewildered Sam Thompson: "He can't f***ing help me – he's useless" while the Happy Mondays star breezily dismissed her as a "moody Frenchie".
The cookery series – which had a similar set-up to Masterchef – proved to be worlds away from the BBC show.
Michelin-starred chef Giorgio, 59, was disgusted by much of the food and at one point had to bat off the advances of an amorous Kim Woodburn.
He announced himself "shocked" as Love Island's Toby Aromolaran mustered all his cooking powers to make him a cheese toastie.
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He replied, gingerly nibbling slices of toasted bread: "Is this the best you could do?"
The chef was also served beans on toast and cereal, with one fan tweeting: "Giorgio has worked in the Savoy, Italy and Paris and he just got served Rice Crispies. Nah, I can’t."
But worse was to come as some dishes turned up at his table on Celeb Cooking School either inedible, raw or both.
Later, cleaning guru Kim, best known for her rants on Celebrity Big Brother and Loose Women, kicked off royally again.
First she cooked a plastic tray which melted all over her chicken dish then failed to get to grips with a two-course Italian meal.
The 80-year-old star sighed: "We haven't had the training for this my love, it's as simple as that.
"The whole bloody thing is stupid. Enough's enough, I'm stopping.
"I'd rather clean a 20-year-old toilet full of s***e than get on with this lot."
Perhaps unsurprisingly she was the first star to be sent packing, though the decision upset some of her fans.
One wrote: "Queen Kim is the first one out?! I’m absolutely fuming."
Others were just stunned by the all-round lack of culinary skills on display.
One viewer summed up how unlike Celebrity Masterchef the whole enterprise was when they tweeted: "F**k off did I just see someone open a tin of soup?"
Celeb Cooking School returns to E4 tonight at 10pm, after Married At First Sight UK.
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