MAUREEN CALLAHAN: Oh what joy we felt after claims Harry and Meghan have ‘nothing left to say’! And how it only deepened our despair at the grim reality – they’ll NEVER stop blabbing
Oh, the relief and joy upon last night’s breaking news: Harry and Meghan, according to an insider, declared themselves done: ‘Nothing left to say.’
‘That period of their life is over,’ the source told The Sun.
Could it be? Could it actually, really be true that these two have ran out of gas? Exhausted themselves of secrets to spill, accusations to lob, crosses to bear?
Could it be that they finally got the memo?
Of course not! Come on — we know exactly who Harry and Meghan are and what their lone subject matter is.
As royal commentator Richard Fitzwilliams told MailOnline, refuting The Sun’s story, the duo ‘specialize in doing the unexpected’ and ‘have a great deal more they could say’.
To which a weary world says: Fool us once, twice, three times. Surely Buckingham Palace hasn’t let down their guard.
Besides, what would such a world even look like? Do we even know how to navigate through a week in which no flares are sent up from Montecito? No new gripes? No new photo ops showing us how happy, happy, happy these two are sans royal identity and privilege?
Living, per Oprah, their best lives?
Oh, the relief and joy upon last night’s breaking news: Harry and Meghan (pictured with the late Queen in 2018), according to an insider, declared themselves done: ‘Nothing left to say.’
What would such a world even look like? Do we even know how to navigate through a week in which no flares are sent up from Montecito? No new photo ops showing us how happy, happy, happy these two are sans royal identity ? Living, per Oprah, their best lives?
Recall Oprah’s epic question upon sitting down with the obstinate duchess back in 2021, Meghan and Harry having ‘fled for their lives’, or some such nonsense, from their gilded palace:
‘Were you silent, or were you silenced’?
‘The latter,’ said La Markle.
That explosive interview was followed by this statement from the house of H&M: ‘It was something they felt they wanted and needed to do, but now [that] they have done it, they feel a line has been drawn under that chapter of their lives and they want to move on.’
It was to be, in sum and substance, their last word.
Yet over the past two-plus years, we’ve endured endless whining, cawing, moaning and panhandling for pity through their Netflix series, Harry’s memoir ‘Spare’ (forever known as ‘WAAAGH!’), his sit-downs on ‘The Late Late Show with James Corden’, ‘60 Minutes’, the Tom Bradby interview, and as the cover-couple of Time magazine’s ‘100 Most Influential People’.
And so much more: Meghan submitting to humiliating pranks on ‘Ellen’ — drinking milk from a baby bottle and eating like a chipmunk in public. Her ‘Archetypes’ podcast, her children’s book ‘The Bench’, her cover profiles in ‘Variety’ and ‘The Cut’.
Only slightly less cringe worthy than Meghan comparing herself to Nelson Mandela in that 2022 ‘Cut’ profile (!) was this moment, a gift from writer Allison P. Davis:
‘At one point in our conversation, instead of answering questions, [Meghan] will suggest how I might transcribe the noises she making: “She’s making these guttural sounds, and I can’t quite articulate what it is she’s feeling in that moment because she has no word for it; she’s just moaning”.’
Our poor, hapless duchess, interrupting her moans to explain that her wordlessness means she has no words.
The explosive Oprah interview was followed by this statement from the house of H&M: ‘It was something they felt they wanted and needed to do, but now [that] they have done it… they want to move on.’ (Pictured: Harry with James Corden on The Late Late Show).
Yet over the past two-plus years, we’ve endured endless whining for pity through their Netflix series, Harry’s memoir ‘Spare’, his sit-downs on ‘The Late Late Show with James Corden’, ‘60 Minutes’, the Tom Bradby interview (pictured), and as the cover-couple of Time magazine.
Subtlety has never been Meghan’s strong suit, has it?
Nor have these two ever mastered long-range planning. As a source told the Sun, the Netflix doc and ‘Spare’ were meant to be the couple’s ‘era of visibility,’ and then, having arguably sold out Harry’s family for millions of dollars, having made all sorts of outrageous and hurtful claims and demanding apologies, they anticipated 2023 as their ‘year of reconciliation’ with the royals.
Makes sense. Who among us wouldn’t immediately forgive those who betrayed us multiple times on a global scale?
Besides, what Royal-free content is Meghan going to produce? Her little-read lifestyle blog? Rom-coms for Netflix?
Not likely — and not just because producing comedies requires a sense of humor.
Meghan’s first heralded foray, the animated series ‘Pearl’, was quietly dropped by Netflix last May, and it’s not hard to see why. Who wants to watch a show about a 12-year-old girl admiring historical women?
A girl, Meghan said in a statement, ‘on a journey of self-discovery as she tries to overcome life’s daily challenges’?
What does any of that even mean? More of Meghan’s word-salad, the same leaves constantly re-tossed.
‘Meghan,’ by the way, means ‘pearl’ in Welsh. Clearly, these two are incapable of generating an original story that has nothing to do with them and their victimhood.
As a source told the Sun, the Netflix doc and ‘Spare’ were meant to be the couple’s ‘era of visibility,’ and they anticipated 2023 as their ‘year of reconciliation’ with the royals. (Pictured: Harry and Meghan on Netflix).
Makes sense. Who among us wouldn’t immediately forgive those who betrayed us multiple times on a global scale? (Pictured: Harry and Meghan on Netflix).
To wit: Now that ‘Spare’ has made us all privy to the dog bowl and the broken necklace, to Harry’s frostbitten todger and mummy’s face cream and the box of her hair he keeps bedside, one would think he’s exhausted himself.
Not so. ‘The first draft . . . was 800 pages,’ he said upon publication, ‘and now it’s down to 400 pages. It could have been two books, let’s put it that way.’
There’s a reason Harry was iced out at Charles’ coronation: He’s only published one book of a four-book deal, and it’s rumored one of those could be Meghan’s memoir. What was that whistle-stop trip to London if not a likely sweep for gossip and grievance?
One would think the ‘South Park’ episode – their ‘Worldwide Privacy Tour’ lampooned to perfection – would have been enough to shut these two up.
One would also think that any public figures who really want to disappear would forego the big public announcements and just actually disappear. To quote South Park: ‘WE WANT PRIVACY!’
This all comes a mere two weeks after Meghan received a dubious award in Manhattan — the Woman of Vision award, bequeathed by her great new friend ‘Glo’ Steinem.
Our duchess was decked out in a figure-hugging gold strapless dress, waving to the assembled paparazzi as she made her grand entrance through a Hertz rental-car backdrop.
Oh, how she was in her element, ascending to the stage as Alicia Keys’s ‘Girl on Fire’ blared through the ballroom. How she condescended to actual activists in the room, announcing from the podium that their awards were ‘frankly, well deserved.’
This all comes a mere two weeks after Meghan received a dubious award in Manhattan — the Woman of Vision award, bequeathed by her great new friend ‘Glo’ Steinem.
Our duchess was decked out in a figure-hugging gold strapless dress, waving to the assembled paparazzi as she made her grand entrance through a Hertz rental-car backdrop.
As one of many who suffered through that event in the audience, I was also among their first to leave.
But Meghan’s award failed to make headlines. Her speech was filled with the usual nonsense — ‘be the visionary of your own life’, ‘change is just one action away’, ‘[stand] in the elegance and the power of your strength’ — and failed to galvanize.
But no matter. For the next day, these two claimed to have been subject to a ‘near-catastrophic’, two-hour-long ‘car chase’ through the streets of Manhattan, and the world was set alight.
It was a claim openly doubted by New York’s own Democratic mayor Eric Adams, Whoopi Goldberg of ‘The View’ and almost all New Yorkers, who know a thing or two about our gridlocked streets.
A claim, too, that called to mind Princess Diana. These two are nothing if not predictable. But now that they’ve lost even the woke — well, time for another pivot.
Harry and Meghan may have once been royals, but in America, content is king. And as the couple have made clear, they have but one story to tell. Or, more pointedly, sell.
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