WHEN you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s inevitable that there will be points at which it feels like the initial spark is waning.
So the UK’s resident love queen and Married at First Sight “sexpert” Charlene Douglas has teamed up with Ann Summers to reveal the relationship advice she thinks all couples should hear.
“One of the most common misconceptions is that if you love your partner, a relationship shouldn’t require effort,” Charlene says.
“For us to thrive in our jobs we attend training courses, learn from colleagues, and receive supervision from our managers.
“How do we expect our relationships to grow and continue to provide us with fulfilment if we don’t put in the effort to make them better?”
With her extensive 11 years of experience, Charlene is no stranger to marital woes – so fear not: here’s the three pieces of advice she thinks can spice up your love life.
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Her first recommendation is to introduce sex toys to open up conversations about pleasure.
According to Charlene, “for a relationship to thrive and not just survive, it’s important to regularly add something new. The same routine every day can become stale and boring.
“Toys add a little bit of spice to your sex life, creating different sensations in your bodies that can enhance your sexual experience and make your sex life more exciting.
The love guru adds that to open conversations around pleasure, you can choose toys together.
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“My favourite toy has to be the power bullet set as it’s a great way for people with vulvas to explore different sensations with the help of the different textured heads.”
Her second tip is to focus on communication and emotional intimacy, which help you maintain a healthy sex life.
A common worry in relationships is how much you should be having sex: in fact, Charlene points out, only 55% of women and 43% of men report being sexually satisfied in relationships longer than three years.
To combat this, the sexpert suggests, communication is key.
“Agree a suitable time when there are no distractions to have a discussion about your sex life.
“Have a think about what turns you on and off and share with each other. Commit to building emotional intimacy first by arranging fun date nights.
“In the bedroom, build up to exploring each other's bodies through massage and try different ways to experience pleasure. For example, with sex toys or audio erotica.”
And her final pearl of wisdom is to remember compromise is always a must if a relationship is to work.
Charlene says: “It's important that couples have the same commitment to learning how to be a better lover and partner every day. A willingness to grow and compromise is vital.”
Resolving conflict in a healthy way is also essential, Charlene says.
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She recommends “no long silences or aggression, but instead learning how to apologise if a reaction to a partner was irrational or unreasonable, and being able to arrange a time to resolve conflict in a calm setting.”
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