More than 20 years after Carlos Santana first revealed he'd been sexually abused "almost every day" from the ages of 10 to 12, the legendary guitarist opens up about how he's been able to make peace with what happened, and even find "acceptance and forgiveness."
Over the years, Carlos Santana has slowly peeled back a horrific story of childhood abuse. Now, in a new interview with People, he’s talking about forgiveness.
It was 2000 when the legendary guitarist first opened up about the abuses he said he suffered “almost every day” from the ages of 10 to 12 years old. In an interview with Rolling Stone, he said that it was a man who crossed the border into Mexico, bringing him gifts and grooming him.
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He said that it all came to an end when the prepubescent Santana was caught by the man looking at a girl he was in love with through a window. His abuser slapped him at that point, per Santana, which opened his eyes. “And then I woke up,” he said. “I looked at him for the first time for who he was: a very sick person.”
Like many victims of childhood abuse, Santana blamed himself. “You want to get angry with yourself for not knowing better,” he said. “The mind has a very insidious way of making you feel guilty: You’re the guilty party, shame on you, you’re the one who brought this on yourself.”
These traumatic childhood experiences will be part of an upcoming documentary about his life and career. “Carlos” is set to premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival on June 17.
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At 75 years old now, Santana says he’s gained a new perspective that has helped him approach this childhood trauma through different eyes. “I learned to look at everyone who ever went out of their way to hurt me, demean me or make me feel like less, like they’re 5 or 6 years old, and I’m able to look at them with understanding and compassion,” he told People.
He said that by visualizing his abuser as a child himself, he can see a light behind him. “So I can send him to the light or send him to hell knowing that if I send him to hell, I’m going to go with him,” the musician explained. “But if I send him to the light, then I’m going to go with him also.”
He also referenced the common saying that “hurt people hurt people.”
“It’s my pain. It did happen to me,” he said. “But if you open your hands, and you let it go, then you don’t feel that anymore.”
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Santana shared that his goal in coming forward with his full, unvarnished story is to offer “hope and courage to people.” He equates it to a life lesson he learned as a child: “Offer a heartfelt tug to the listener and validate their existence.”
He also spoke about applying that same idea of seeing everyone as a child to himself, even as his own childhood is many years behind him. Doing so has opened up a whole new sense of joyfulness, allowing him to finally enjoy his career successes. He admitted that there were times he felt suffocated by it.
“Now everything’s a fun time because there’s still a 7-year-old Carlos in me that looks at life like, ‘What are we going to get into today?'” he shared. “I’m just starting, and everything has prepared me for this.”
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual assault, get help. The National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-HOPE [4673]) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in need.
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